Wans apon e taym Ay wrowt this in wan of may myuuzyk modyuuls:
Writing Japanese only in katakana is as ugly as in romaji or only hiragana, like Caps Lock scream or wrayting layk dis, jast tink of d wey Jepenees distroy words dey teyk from adr lengwijis bay wrayting dem in deyr katakana wif only konzonents ent wawls Jepenees rikognayzis ent yoozis, nat tu menshan frigwent shortening, sou yoo samtayms wont andrstend dem et frst sayt eeven if yor madr lengwich iz Inglish. Ay hef jast inventid a nyuu ortogrefy heer, samwet similer tu Dolan meem.
This systm got moor elaboreytid sins then. It is niidid bikoos sam piipl eperentli ken't wrayt Inglish korektli eniwey. Ay hef put en elfebt hiir, elong with Chek dayekritayzd letrs for komperizhn. Th konzonents aar self-iksplenetori, sow now igzempl is givn.
ELFEBET:
A as in but
AA as in car (Á)
B
C - not used, possible for glottal stop or KH (pronounced TS in Czech)
CH (Č)
D
E as in error
EE as in again (É)
F
G as in gift
H
I as in in - I could have used Y for this but I would have no room for the J (I/Y - frequent Czech spelling mistakes, historical reason for Y)
II as in be or gayyy (Í/Ý - different sound to prolonged I/Y, be aware when wordmixing)
J as in janitor
K
KH as in loch (CH - the only Czech contraption, same as German, I propose unused Q)
L
M (also N before B, P, F, V, maybe M, as well in Japanese)
N
NG as in king (N before G and K, also in Japanese)
O as in shot
OO as in more (Ó)
P
Q - not used, possible for KW
R - swallowed at end (Czech has totally different and difficult one, I use German one as a substitute)
S
SH (Š)
T
TH as in they or filth - Thorn and eth merged into thorn and got replaced by TH, it assimilates anyway. (pronounced T/D by most foreigners anyway)
U as in put
UU as in dude (Ú)
V as in very
W as in wary
X - not used, possible for KS/KZ/GS/GZ
Y as in pay - also palatalizes D, T and N (Ď, Ť, Ň)
Z
ZH as in regime
Schwa writes as nothingnormally when a suitable sonorant is around to carry the syllable, but and as E or ' when necessary not. Other sounds (4 of total 40) in English have to be transcribed with the closest one above. These are h in hue (hyuu), m in symbol (simbl), l in wall (wool) and glottal stop (this one is written by space, apostrophe dash or ignored). Also I am aware of weak vowel distinction as there are definitely more than 10 in English.
Yuu ken sii sam words aarn't distortid, bikoos ther's sach e mes in th speling thet samthink's eevn stil korekt aftr may fakap. This mayt veri with veriyes dayelekts. Th pengrems wud hef biicam browkn, for igzempl "th kwik brawn foks jamps over e leyzi dog". Bat thiis kud bii sapstityuutit with fonetikl wans.
In Chekia, ther's not mach piipl aybl tu spiik Inglish ent if they etmt tu du sow, they sawnd horibli. If they kept prektising Rashn comyunist gavrnment staft intu them antil 1990, they cud hef sam konvrsayshn with thows Rashn piipl wich aar frikwent in Praag ent Kaarlsbaad.
From http://clagnut.com/blog/2380/, formerly on Wikipedia as "List of Pangrams" (heavy expansion that took 3 days):
Thiis fonetik pengrems from Wikipiidia (rimuuvd sins then):
* With tenure, Suzie’d have all the more leisure for yachting, but her publications are no good.
* Shaw, those twelve beige hooks are joined if I patch a young, gooey mouth.
* Are those shy Eurasian footwear, cowboy chaps, or jolly earthmoving headgear?
* The beige hue on the waters of the loch impressed all, including the French queen, before she heard that symphony again, just as young Arthur wanted.
wud hef bii writn layk this:
* With tenyuur, Syuuzii'd hev ool th moor leyzhr for yekhting, but hr pablikeyshns aar now guud.
* Shoo, thows twelv biyzh huuks aar joynd if Ay pech a yang, guuiy mawth.
* Aar thows shaay Yureyzhn fuutweer, kawboy cheps, or joly rthmuuving hedgiir?
* Th biyzh hyuu on thii wootrs of th lokh imprest ool, inclyuudink th French kween, biifoor shii hrt thet simfoni egeen, jast es yang Arthr wontid.
Some more sensible perfekt pengrems, tu sii how they break:
Writing Japanese only in katakana is as ugly as in romaji or only hiragana, like Caps Lock scream or wrayting layk dis, jast tink of d wey Jepenees distroy words dey teyk from adr lengwijis bay wrayting dem in deyr katakana wif only konzonents ent wawls Jepenees rikognayzis ent yoozis, nat tu menshan frigwent shortening, sou yoo samtayms wont andrstend dem et frst sayt eeven if yor madr lengwich iz Inglish. Ay hef jast inventid a nyuu ortogrefy heer, samwet similer tu Dolan meem.
This systm got moor elaboreytid sins then. It is niidid bikoos sam piipl eperentli ken't wrayt Inglish korektli eniwey. Ay hef put en elfebt hiir, elong with Chek dayekritayzd letrs for komperizhn. Th konzonents aar self-iksplenetori, sow now igzempl is givn.
ELFEBET:
A as in but
AA as in car (Á)
B
C - not used, possible for glottal stop or KH (pronounced TS in Czech)
CH (Č)
D
E as in error
EE as in again (É)
F
G as in gift
H
I as in in - I could have used Y for this but I would have no room for the J (I/Y - frequent Czech spelling mistakes, historical reason for Y)
II as in be or gayyy (Í/Ý - different sound to prolonged I/Y, be aware when wordmixing)
J as in janitor
K
KH as in loch (CH - the only Czech contraption, same as German, I propose unused Q)
L
M (also N before B, P, F, V, maybe M, as well in Japanese)
N
NG as in king (N before G and K, also in Japanese)
O as in shot
OO as in more (Ó)
P
Q - not used, possible for KW
R - swallowed at end (Czech has totally different and difficult one, I use German one as a substitute)
S
SH (Š)
T
TH as in they or filth - Thorn and eth merged into thorn and got replaced by TH, it assimilates anyway. (pronounced T/D by most foreigners anyway)
U as in put
UU as in dude (Ú)
V as in very
W as in wary
X - not used, possible for KS/KZ/GS/GZ
Y as in pay - also palatalizes D, T and N (Ď, Ť, Ň)
Z
ZH as in regime
Schwa writes as nothing
Yuu ken sii sam words aarn't distortid, bikoos ther's sach e mes in th speling thet samthink's eevn stil korekt aftr may fakap. This mayt veri with veriyes dayelekts. Th pengrems wud hef biicam browkn, for igzempl "th kwik brawn foks jamps over e leyzi dog". Bat thiis kud bii sapstityuutit with fonetikl wans.
In Chekia, ther's not mach piipl aybl tu spiik Inglish ent if they etmt tu du sow, they sawnd horibli. If they kept prektising Rashn comyunist gavrnment staft intu them antil 1990, they cud hef sam konvrsayshn with thows Rashn piipl wich aar frikwent in Praag ent Kaarlsbaad.
From http://clagnut.com/blog/2380/, formerly on Wikipedia as "List of Pangrams" (heavy expansion that took 3 days):
Thiis fonetik pengrems from Wikipiidia (rimuuvd sins then):
* With tenure, Suzie’d have all the more leisure for yachting, but her publications are no good.
* Shaw, those twelve beige hooks are joined if I patch a young, gooey mouth.
* Are those shy Eurasian footwear, cowboy chaps, or jolly earthmoving headgear?
* The beige hue on the waters of the loch impressed all, including the French queen, before she heard that symphony again, just as young Arthur wanted.
wud hef bii writn layk this:
* With tenyuur, Syuuzii'd hev ool th moor leyzhr for yekhting, but hr pablikeyshns aar now guud.
* Shoo, thows twelv biyzh huuks aar joynd if Ay pech a yang, guuiy mawth.
* Aar thows shaay Yureyzhn fuutweer, kawboy cheps, or joly rthmuuving hedgiir?
* Th biyzh hyuu on thii wootrs of th lokh imprest ool, inclyuudink th French kween, biifoor shii hrt thet simfoni egeen, jast es yang Arthr wontid.
Some more sensible perfekt pengrems, tu sii how they break:
Cwm fjord bank glyphs vext quiz. * Kum fyord benk glifs vekst kwiz.
Squdgy fez, blank jimp crwth vox! * Skwudji fez blenk jimp kruth vox!
Jumbling vext frowzy hacks PDQ. *Jambling vext frowzi heks pii-dii-kyuu.
PR flacks quiz gym: TV DJ box when? * Pii-aar fleks kwiz jim: tii-vii dii-jey box wen?
Zing, dwarf jocks vex lymph, Qutb. * Zing, dworf joks vex lymf, Khutb.
Kat veld zubr gif cwm jynx qophs. * Ket veld zabr gif kum jinks khofs.
Blowzy night-frumps vex’d Jack Q. * Blowzi nayt-framps vex'd Jek Kyuu.
Dwarf mobs quiz lynx.jpg, kvetch! * Dworf mobs kwiz lynx.jpg, kvech.
Gym DJ Beck vows phiz tranq flux. * Jim Dii-jey Bek vaws fiz trank flax.
JFK got my VHS, PC and XLR web quiz. * Jey-ef-key got my vii-eych-es, pii-sii ent ex-el-aar web kwiz.
Mr. Jock, TV quiz PhD, bags few lynx. * Mistr Jok, tii-vii kwiz pii-eych-dii, begs fyuu links.
New job: fix Mr. Gluck’s hazy TV, PDQ! * N(y)uu job: fix Mister Glak's heyzi tii-vii, pii-dii-kyuu!
Quartz glyph job vex’d cwm finks. * Kworts glyf job vex'd kum finks.
Quartz jock vends BMW glyph fix. * Kworts jok vends bii-em-vii glif fix.
Enathr, imperfekt pengrems antil 33 kerektrs, 125% of elfebet:
Naw sam Chek wans, to show this systm is guud for fonetikl trenskripshn of foriyn lengwijes tu en ixtent, in wich en Inglish-spiiking persn will bii eybl to pronounce it withaut eny formr ixpiiriens:
ČEŠTINA (standard version)
CHESHTYINA (Inglish trenskript) - Y/I is I, Ý/Í is II, Ě is YE, ĎŤŇ DYTYNY
CZESZTJINA (current version) - Z-system, Ů is either UU or UO, CH may be Q
CHESHTJINA (common ancestor (survives on signs in Minecraft)) - H-system, prolongation with hyphen, X is KS/GZ, CH is X, KV/QU may be Q, VV may be W
Note all my own 3 invented/stolen methods produce almost the same length.
Nechť již hříšné saxofony ďáblů rozezvučí síň úděsnými tóny waltzu, tanga a quickstepu. (complete)
Nekhty yizh hrzhiishnee saksofoni dyaabluu rozezvuchii siiny uudyesniimi tooni tanga, valtsu a kwikstepu.
Neqtj jizs hrzsiisznee saxofony djaabluo rozezvuczii siinj uudjesnyymi toony tanga, waltzu a quickstepu.
Nechtj jizh hrzhi-shne- saksofony dja-blu- rozezvuchi- si-nj u-djesni-mi to-ny tanga, waltzu a quickstepu.
Příliš žluťoučký kůň úpěl ďábelské ódy. (accents)
Przhiilish zhlutyowchkii kuuny uupyel dyaabelskee oodi.
Przsiilisz zslutjouczkyy kuonj uupjel djaabelskee oody.
Przhi-lish zhlutjouchky- ku-nj u-pjel dja-belske- o-dy.
Hleď, toť přízračný kůň v mátožné póze šíleně úpí.
Hlety, toty przhiizrachnii kuuny v maatozhnee pooze shiilenye uupii.
Hledj, totj przsiizracznyy kuonj v maatozsnee pooze sziilenje uupii.
Hledj, totj przhi-zrachny- ku-nj v ma-tozhne- po-ze shi-lenje u-pi-.
Zvlášť zákeřný učeň s ďolíčky běží podél zóny úlů.
Zvlaashty zaakerzhnii ucheny s dyoliichki byezhii podeel zooni uuluu.
Zvlaasztj zaakerzsnii uczenj s djoliiczky bjezsii podeel zoony uoluu.
Zvla-shtj za-kerzhny- uchenj s djoli-chky bjezhi- pode-l zo-ny u-lu-.
Loď čeří kýlem tůň obzvlášť v Grónské úžině.
Lody cherzhii kiilem tuuny obzvlaashty v Groonskee uuzhinye.
Lodj czerzsii kyylem tuonj obzvlaasztj v Groonskee uuzsinje.
Lodj cherzhi- ky-lem tu-nj obzvla-shtj v Gro-nske- u-zhinje.
Ój, náhlý déšť teď zvířil prach a čilá laň běží s houfcem gazel k úkrytům. (no q,w,x)
Ooy, naahlii deeshty tety zviirzhil prakh a chilaa lany byezhii s howfcem gazel k uukrituum.
Ooj, naahlyy deesztj tedj zviirzsil praq a czilaa lanj bjezsii s houfcem gazel k uukrytuom.
O-y, na-hly- de-shtj tedj zvi-rzhil prax a chila- lany bjezhi- s houfcem gazel k u-krytu-m.
Some bonus at the end, descriptions in normal English for you to relax:
Kŕdeľ šťastných ďatľov učí pri ústí Váhu mĺkveho koňa obhrýzať kôru a žrať čerstvé mäso. (Slovak, only accents except Ó)
Krrdely shtyastniikh dyatlyow uchii pri uustyii Vaahu mllkveho konya obhriizaty kworu a zhraty cherstvee meso.
Krrdelj sztjastnyyq djatlov uczii pri uustii Vaahu mllkveho konja obhryyzatj kuoru a žratj czerstvee maeso.
Kr-delj shtjastny-x djatlov uchi- pri u-sti- Va-hu ml-kveho konja obhry-zatj kuoru a zhratj cherstve- maeso.
Päťtýždňové vĺčatá nervózne štekajú na môjho ďatľa v tŕní.
Petytiizhdnyovee vllchataa nervoozne shtekajuu na mwoyho dyatlya v trrnyii.
Paetjtyyzsdnjovee vllczataa nervoozne sztjekajuu na muojho djatlja v trrnii.
Paetjty-zhdnjove- vl-chata- nervo-zne shtjekaju- na muojho djatlja v tr-ni-.
Eĥoŝanĝo ĉiuĵaŭde - typeset Esperanto (Where Zamenhof got all these?)
Ekhoshanjo chiuzhawde - the introduced transcription method
Eqošan3o čiužawde - Czech keyboard fuckup (embedding, find and replace)
Ehxosxangxo cxiujxawde - modified colloquial X-system to use also unused W (Possibly assign Y to J and either have ĵ overtake J or screw J completely and carret Z.)
Preskaŭ freŝa ĉeĥa manĝaĵo
Preskaw fresha chekha manjazho
Preskaw freša čeqa man3ažo
Preskaw fresxa cxehxa mangxajxo
I have the tendency to write ŭ as W (unused) sice I don't know, which AltGr combination is a dead key for this little U above. And when there are 2 Us, it means it's a double U, therefore W, which I like to spell Wee since double U makes UU and WWW is spellt very uneconomically (triple double U). Also, since the carret is in fact only inverted caron, I sometimes use carreted Z for ĵ. The ĥ to Q thing also has an application here, but this is my suggestion for Czech already. In fact, ĥ and ĵ look ugly. Though, the carrets are a distinguishing feature, as is with Lojban interpunction and Klingon interstitial capital letters. I don't often realize I'm reading Slovak instead of Czech usually after a few sentences, not from simply looking at the paragraph.
Altogether, the main aspect of this crippled Inglish is to be used in TTS systems, since making them pronounce something foreign is very complicated, since English has completely fucked up vowels. In this Inglish, each vowel stands for what it represents in original Latin and in many transcripts and latinizations (romanizations) of non-Latin writing systems and languages.The bad thing might be the merging of AE and E as in bed/bad or as/Ess/ass, with are both written bed and es. But I don't hear any substantial difference the slight pronunciation nuances in my mainly American-influenced accent (with some etymological idiosyncracies from original Greek and Latin), only AE is like a 1/3 longer than E which makes this system create more homophones than it should. Nevertheless I've read somewhere the Czech accent is the 4th sexiest one, when some effort is being made. Possibly it had something to do with our women in porn industry. Under one video was written that it sounds like a robotic voice from 80s (harsh, unmelodic, stress on 1st syllable if any), albeit it is better understood. Recreating the Czech accent TTS is therefore easier than to make a robotic Britishman. Finnish accent is even easier. Just think of Terminator, the Czech accent would fit him as fits the Czech dub compared to more fairy tale-ish Slovak. Even though, Slovaks prefer to watch Czech fairy tales, even dubbed.
To close this article, have theAlphabet Song national anthem of the USA. Hyphen signifies portamento and apostrophe signifies schwa. It gets fucked up severly, just see and sing along, if you can:
Ey, Bii, Sii, Dii, Ii, Ef, Jii,
Eych, Ay, Jey, Key, El, Em, En, Ow, Pii.
Kyuu, Aar, Es, Tii, Yuu, Vii,
Dabl Yuu, Ex, Way end Zee:
Naw I now may Ey-bii-sii,
next taym wud yuu sing with mii?
O-ow sey ken yuu sii, bay th doons eerli layt,
Wot sow praudli wii heyld et th twaylayts last gliiming?
Wuus brod strayps end brayt staars, thru th peril's fayt,
Owr the rempents wii wochd weer sow galantli striiming?
End th rak'ts red gleer, th bombs brsting in eer
geyv pruuf thru th nayt thet awr fleg wos stil theer.
Ow sey, das the-et staar spengld benr-r ye-et we-eyv
Owr th lee-eend of th frii end th howm of th breyv?
O-on th shoor dimli siin thru th mists of th diip,
Wheer th fows hooty host in dred saylns ripows's,
Wot is ther wich th briiz, owr th tau'ring stiip,
Es it fitfuli blows, half konsiils, half disklows's.
Naw it keches th gliim of th moornings frst biim,
In ful glori riflekted naw shayns in th streem:
Tis th staar spe-engld benr, Ow lo-ong i-it we-eyv
Owr th lee-eend of th frii end th howm of th breyv.
E-end weer is thet bend wu sow voontingli swoor
Thet th hevok of woor end th betls konfyuuzhn,
E howm end e kaantri, shud liiv as now moor?
Theer blad hes woshd aut theer fowl fuutsteps polyuushn.
Now rifyuuj kud seyv th hayrling end sleyv
From th ter'r of flayt, or th gluum of th greyv:
End th staar spe-engld benr in tra-ayamf da-ath we-eyv,
Owr th lee-eend of th frii end th howm of th breyv.
O-ow thas bii it evr, wen friimen shal stend
Bitwiin theer lav'd howms end th woors dezoleyshn.
Blest with victry end piis, mey th Hevn reskyuud lend
Preys th Paw'r thet heth meyd end prizervd as e neyshn!
Then konkwer wii mast, wen awr koos it is jast,
End this bii owr motto: "In God is awr trast."
End th staar spe-engld benr in tra-ayamf da-ath we-eyv,
Owr th lee-eend of th frii end th howm of th breyv!
We-en awr lend is ilyumind with Librtys smayl,
If e fow from within strayk e blow et hr glori,
Dawn, dawn with th treytr thet deers tu difayl
Th fleg of hr staars end th peyj of hr stori!
Bay th miliy'ns ancheynd, wu awe brthrayt hev geynd,
Wii will kiip hr brayt bleyzn forevr ansteynd!
End th staar spe-engld benr in tra-ayamf sha-al we-eyv,
Wayl th lee-eend of th frii is th howm of th breyv.
(Maybe "land" should be "land" instead of "leend", and "triumph" should be "traym'f" instead of "trayamf", but it sings better this way.)
DJs flock by when MTV ax quiz prog. * Dii-jays flok bay wen em-tii-vii ex kwiz prog.
Waltz job vexed quick frog nymphs. *Valts job vexd kwik frog nymfs.
Fox nymphs grab quick-jived waltz. * Fox nympfs greb kwik-jayvd valts.
Bright vixens jump; dozy fowl quack. * Brayt vixns jamp; dowzy fawl kwek.
Vexed nymphs go for quick waltz job. * Vexd nymfs gow for kwik valts job.
Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow! * Sfinks of blek kworts, jaj may vaw!
Fox dwarves chop my talking quiz job. * Fox dworvs chop may tolking kwiz job.
Public junk dwarves quiz mighty fox. * Pablik jank dworvs kwiz mayti fox.
Two driven jocks help fax my big quiz. * Tuu drivn joks help fex may big kwiz.
“Now fax quiz Jack!” my brave ghost pled. * "Naw fex kwiz, Jek!" may breyv goust pled.
Go, lazy fat vixen; be shrewd, jump quick. * Gow, leyzi fet vixn, bii shruud, jamp kwik.
Public junk dwarves hug my quartz fox. * Pablik jank dworvs hag may kworts fox.
Jumping hay dwarves flock quartz box. * Jamping hey dworvs flok kworts box.
Quick fox jumps nightly above wizard. * Kwik fox jamps naytly ebav wizrd.
Vamp fox held quartz duck just by wing. * Vemp fox held kworts dak jast bay wing.
Five quacking zephyrs jolt my wax bed. * Fayv kwoking zefes jolt may wex bed.
The five boxing wizards jump quickly. * Th fayv boxing wizrds jamp kwikli.
Jackdaws love my big sphinx of quartz. * Jekdoos lav may big sfinks of kworts.
A very bad quack might jinx zippy fowls. * E veri bed kwek mayt jinks zipy fawls.
Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. * Pek may boks with fayv dozn likwor jaks.
A quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. * E kwik brawn fox jamps owvr th leyzi dog.
Naw sam Chek wans, to show this systm is guud for fonetikl trenskripshn of foriyn lengwijes tu en ixtent, in wich en Inglish-spiiking persn will bii eybl to pronounce it withaut eny formr ixpiiriens:
ČEŠTINA (standard version)
CHESHTYINA (Inglish trenskript) - Y/I is I, Ý/Í is II, Ě is YE, ĎŤŇ DYTYNY
CZESZTJINA (current version) - Z-system, Ů is either UU or UO, CH may be Q
CHESHTJINA (common ancestor (survives on signs in Minecraft)) - H-system, prolongation with hyphen, X is KS/GZ, CH is X, KV/QU may be Q, VV may be W
Note all my own 3 invented/stolen methods produce almost the same length.
Nechť již hříšné saxofony ďáblů rozezvučí síň úděsnými tóny waltzu, tanga a quickstepu. (complete)
Nekhty yizh hrzhiishnee saksofoni dyaabluu rozezvuchii siiny uudyesniimi tooni tanga, valtsu a kwikstepu.
Neqtj jizs hrzsiisznee saxofony djaabluo rozezvuczii siinj uudjesnyymi toony tanga, waltzu a quickstepu.
Nechtj jizh hrzhi-shne- saksofony dja-blu- rozezvuchi- si-nj u-djesni-mi to-ny tanga, waltzu a quickstepu.
Příliš žluťoučký kůň úpěl ďábelské ódy. (accents)
Przhiilish zhlutyowchkii kuuny uupyel dyaabelskee oodi.
Przsiilisz zslutjouczkyy kuonj uupjel djaabelskee oody.
Przhi-lish zhlutjouchky- ku-nj u-pjel dja-belske- o-dy.
Hleď, toť přízračný kůň v mátožné póze šíleně úpí.
Hlety, toty przhiizrachnii kuuny v maatozhnee pooze shiilenye uupii.
Hledj, totj przsiizracznyy kuonj v maatozsnee pooze sziilenje uupii.
Hledj, totj przhi-zrachny- ku-nj v ma-tozhne- po-ze shi-lenje u-pi-.
Zvlášť zákeřný učeň s ďolíčky běží podél zóny úlů.
Zvlaashty zaakerzhnii ucheny s dyoliichki byezhii podeel zooni uuluu.
Zvlaasztj zaakerzsnii uczenj s djoliiczky bjezsii podeel zoony uoluu.
Zvla-shtj za-kerzhny- uchenj s djoli-chky bjezhi- pode-l zo-ny u-lu-.
Loď čeří kýlem tůň obzvlášť v Grónské úžině.
Lody cherzhii kiilem tuuny obzvlaashty v Groonskee uuzhinye.
Lodj czerzsii kyylem tuonj obzvlaasztj v Groonskee uuzsinje.
Lodj cherzhi- ky-lem tu-nj obzvla-shtj v Gro-nske- u-zhinje.
Ój, náhlý déšť teď zvířil prach a čilá laň běží s houfcem gazel k úkrytům. (no q,w,x)
Ooy, naahlii deeshty tety zviirzhil prakh a chilaa lany byezhii s howfcem gazel k uukrituum.
Ooj, naahlyy deesztj tedj zviirzsil praq a czilaa lanj bjezsii s houfcem gazel k uukrytuom.
O-y, na-hly- de-shtj tedj zvi-rzhil prax a chila- lany bjezhi- s houfcem gazel k u-krytu-m.
Some bonus at the end, descriptions in normal English for you to relax:
Kŕdeľ šťastných ďatľov učí pri ústí Váhu mĺkveho koňa obhrýzať kôru a žrať čerstvé mäso. (Slovak, only accents except Ó)
Krrdely shtyastniikh dyatlyow uchii pri uustyii Vaahu mllkveho konya obhriizaty kworu a zhraty cherstvee meso.
Krrdelj sztjastnyyq djatlov uczii pri uustii Vaahu mllkveho konja obhryyzatj kuoru a žratj czerstvee maeso.
Kr-delj shtjastny-x djatlov uchi- pri u-sti- Va-hu ml-kveho konja obhry-zatj kuoru a zhratj cherstve- maeso.
Päťtýždňové vĺčatá nervózne štekajú na môjho ďatľa v tŕní.
Petytiizhdnyovee vllchataa nervoozne shtekajuu na mwoyho dyatlya v trrnyii.
Paetjtyyzsdnjovee vllczataa nervoozne sztjekajuu na muojho djatlja v trrnii.
Paetjty-zhdnjove- vl-chata- nervo-zne shtjekaju- na muojho djatlja v tr-ni-.
Eĥoŝanĝo ĉiuĵaŭde - typeset Esperanto (Where Zamenhof got all these?)
Ekhoshanjo chiuzhawde - the introduced transcription method
Eqošan3o čiužawde - Czech keyboard fuckup (embedding, find and replace)
Ehxosxangxo cxiujxawde - modified colloquial X-system to use also unused W (Possibly assign Y to J and either have ĵ overtake J or screw J completely and carret Z.)
Preskaŭ freŝa ĉeĥa manĝaĵo
Preskaw fresha chekha manjazho
Preskaw freša čeqa man3ažo
Preskaw fresxa cxehxa mangxajxo
I have the tendency to write ŭ as W (unused) sice I don't know, which AltGr combination is a dead key for this little U above. And when there are 2 Us, it means it's a double U, therefore W, which I like to spell Wee since double U makes UU and WWW is spellt very uneconomically (triple double U). Also, since the carret is in fact only inverted caron, I sometimes use carreted Z for ĵ. The ĥ to Q thing also has an application here, but this is my suggestion for Czech already. In fact, ĥ and ĵ look ugly. Though, the carrets are a distinguishing feature, as is with Lojban interpunction and Klingon interstitial capital letters. I don't often realize I'm reading Slovak instead of Czech usually after a few sentences, not from simply looking at the paragraph.
Altogether, the main aspect of this crippled Inglish is to be used in TTS systems, since making them pronounce something foreign is very complicated, since English has completely fucked up vowels. In this Inglish, each vowel stands for what it represents in original Latin and in many transcripts and latinizations (romanizations) of non-Latin writing systems and languages.
To close this article, have the
O-ow sey ken yuu sii, bay th doons eerli layt,
Wot sow praudli wii heyld et th twaylayts last gliiming?
Wuus brod strayps end brayt staars, thru th peril's fayt,
Owr the rempents wii wochd weer sow galantli striiming?
End th rak'ts red gleer, th bombs brsting in eer
geyv pruuf thru th nayt thet awr fleg wos stil theer.
Ow sey, das the-et staar spengld benr-r ye-et we-eyv
Owr th lee-eend of th frii end th howm of th breyv?
O-on th shoor dimli siin thru th mists of th diip,
Wheer th fows hooty host in dred saylns ripows's,
Wot is ther wich th briiz, owr th tau'ring stiip,
Es it fitfuli blows, half konsiils, half disklows's.
Naw it keches th gliim of th moornings frst biim,
In ful glori riflekted naw shayns in th streem:
Tis th staar spe-engld benr, Ow lo-ong i-it we-eyv
Owr th lee-eend of th frii end th howm of th breyv.
E-end weer is thet bend wu sow voontingli swoor
Thet th hevok of woor end th betls konfyuuzhn,
E howm end e kaantri, shud liiv as now moor?
Theer blad hes woshd aut theer fowl fuutsteps polyuushn.
Now rifyuuj kud seyv th hayrling end sleyv
From th ter'r of flayt, or th gluum of th greyv:
End th staar spe-engld benr in tra-ayamf da-ath we-eyv,
Owr th lee-eend of th frii end th howm of th breyv.
O-ow thas bii it evr, wen friimen shal stend
Bitwiin theer lav'd howms end th woors dezoleyshn.
Blest with victry end piis, mey th Hevn reskyuud lend
Preys th Paw'r thet heth meyd end prizervd as e neyshn!
Then konkwer wii mast, wen awr koos it is jast,
End this bii owr motto: "In God is awr trast."
End th staar spe-engld benr in tra-ayamf da-ath we-eyv,
Owr th lee-eend of th frii end th howm of th breyv!
We-en awr lend is ilyumind with Librtys smayl,
If e fow from within strayk e blow et hr glori,
Dawn, dawn with th treytr thet deers tu difayl
Th fleg of hr staars end th peyj of hr stori!
Bay th miliy'ns ancheynd, wu awe brthrayt hev geynd,
Wii will kiip hr brayt bleyzn forevr ansteynd!
End th staar spe-engld benr in tra-ayamf sha-al we-eyv,
Wayl th lee-eend of th frii is th howm of th breyv.
(Maybe "land" should be "land" instead of "leend", and "triumph" should be "traym'f" instead of "trayamf", but it sings better this way.)
