I had a kinky shopping spree for CZK 10k. My bank's policy is that I need to make 5 debit card purchases per month to keep interest on my savings account, which given the accumulated 1st level disability checks on exaclty that Aspergers with shitty motorics that causes this kinkiness amounts to CZK 1k monthly. I put on a padlock chain chokery necklace that I first wore at 11 to generate the serotonin as a comfort amulet to help quell any sensorical overloads, as well as the only key I intended to have duplicated, and entered a nearby shopping mall I've been to multiple times before, but not nearly as much alone.
To start it off, upon entering I saw a Tchibo shop. There are typically some clothes and interesting hardware, but I bought just caffeinated water, which looks like a heathier edition of an energy drink. I'm just trying to avoid getting type 2 diabetes from the obscene amounts of sugar in regular energy drinks. There are editions with artificial sweeteners, but the taste is worse. Stevia mania was promising, but it was quickly hushed after it was found out it's not actually that diabetes-friendly, but I see its value in prevention.
Then I spent a bit in an Asian food import shop, which was basically a večerka inside a shopping center, overlooking Albert hypermarket, which is too big and full of normal stuff. I bought a Chinese Jasmine Pepsi, wheat Buldak crackers, and soy Mianzhipin slices. More sterile than a typical večerka, probably just recently opened. There's also an Eastern European shop in the same mall.
Then I tried to look for an ushanka in Pepco, as the one I have is a piece of clothing I found at home once and never seen it anywhere since, but ended up with 2 neckscarves that might work as thighscarves. There was definitely winter season, so those can get itchy, but warm. It's actually comfy to be in windy winter in layered clothing, which are a ritual to dress into, and dress out of. Actually, I discovered this inclination while skiing and snowboarding, with the snowboard being resemblant of leg spreader. What a Victorian obsession with medieval torture devices. My bondage scene generating brain had an idea to strap the snowboard on with a tree between legs, and then joining the hooks on the gloves behind another tree. Talking to the birth Doms about these intrusive thoughts didn't seem like a safe option. I just didn't trust anybody with my proto-kinks. Cold-control-comfort fully assembled during covid, but I was 22 already back then and was already very certain about the bondage part, even though I thought of is as just an adult content genre. I remember not taking the ski helmet off as early as possible while I was 14. That it is actually quite comfortable to wear, just that I feel an indescbribable sense of guilt enjoying that, despite the societal context being appropriate.
Then I descended a floor lower to the area with oddly telling shops near each other: SuperZoo, Erotic City, and key duplication booth.
I used to look at parrots in the SuperZoo back when it was named something different, and they still had some. I was there for chains, which were officially pull-down dog collars, but fine alt fashion for me. It took some time to find the dog leash aisle, but when I finally did, and started picking the chains and holding them in hands, peak autistic joy filled me. They had quite a selection, I bought 2x 75cm and 2x 50cm and 1x 60cm long-eyed, and 2x 75cm twisted-eyed. The cashier said I must be having quite a pack, but I said some cryptic remakrs that it's presumably cheaper than on the other side (where the Erotic City was) and I play with myself, and upon the mention of 14-day return policy, I said I'm not that demanding. The total was CZK 1.2k.
Then came I to dare enter where I haven't dared to before, the Erotic City. Mind you, I'm 27. I was a bit sceptical that this would be mostly filled with vanilla-focused toys, but they did have some kinky section. Maybe it was a bit of a smugness after someone in Twitter DM trying to get me on their OF, but I ended up buying 5k single whip, 1.4k flogger, and 1.3k sillicone gag. When I entered, the shopkeeper asked if I'm looking for something specific, and I said headmistress flogger. This is a name of disciplinary measure I got when I skipped a class I was late for anyway, and only got beaten with a cooking spoon at home. I then stared down the handcuffs for CZK 4k, and decided to pass, because I can emulate that with chains and padlocks. Mind you, I genuinely fear them, because they are way easier to get in than out of. I then saw the single whip for 5k and asked whether I should invest in it. I asked to try it out, and after managing to crack it, I decided to buy it. I was told if I lubricate it, it can last decades, to which I asked if they mean by Indulona like shoes, and aparently there are special gels, but this store had only those for latex, so I was saved some upselling. I didn't have enough cash, so I hoped that the bank wouldn't mark spending CZK 8k at a sex shop as sus, but it went through. I asked how often do people venture in there, and apparently it's mostly for e-shop pickups, so I admitted I'm a bit old school.
Lastly, I went to duplicate the key from the padlock I wore. The booth was cash only. By my protocol, I performed a power transfer ritual by handing the key to duplicate. Was this my 1st commercial session? Hard to tell, these things are never exact. 2 copies cost CZK 160 and were made fairly quickly. I tried both of the key out on the lock to check. It does now indeed support polyamory up to 3.
Practically, it means I now have the 5 transactions needed to keep my savings account interest. Spiritually, it means that I dared to go for kinky gear beyond simple večerkas, which are a bit like Japanese konbini, despite people mostly using them as trafikas to buy tobacco.
Starting with the chains. I needed some a bit longer for my full body manacles I solve crosswords in, like an escape room emulation. The 60cm one is the one for my neck, as the 50cm one was rather too short to wear simultaneously with a collar I luckily stumbled upon in a večerka and it fits tightly, but perfectly for the oxytocinade. I can pull the 75cm chains over my head, which can be useful for mere aesthetic. The main purpose of these 75cm chains is to replace the 50cm chains that run from neck to the ankle split, which is too sort for attention pose. Replacing only 1 of them may be enough, and that is to be the lower one to raise my hands a bit up. The other 50cm chains can be used to attach to something while keeping the style. I have a previous 30cm smaller oval-eyed chains to wrap around the limbs instead of proper cuffs, and each pair of them can be replaced with the 75ch twisted-eye chain, that is long enough to wrap around both ankles or both wrists. Twisted-eyes are quite comfortable to wear, they are typical for jewelry. I have more than enough padlocks to link them together. Key organization is a mindful art, and as I stare at them, I think "Help! I don't want to take these off!", and recognize that this is what true bondage is.
Next one is the gag. I chose the sillicone one, because I'll wash it quite frequently, and it had a buckle with a hole for a lock. I like locking things. The ball was quite bigger, and had 3 breathing holes, that can be plugged by a particularly evil Domme, or a straw can be inserted for hydration. Wanting to wear a gag is very connected to dentistry. I agreed to wisdom tooth extraction pushed by my dentist for futureproofing reasons to have a more comfortable gag fit. Basically my 1st kinkily motivated body mod, under the veil of the healthcare system. I'm a huge "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" ideologist. Now that I finally have the gag, I need to brush and floss teeth each time before I want to wear it. I realized this is how I make myself brush teeth regularly. Before that, due to likely thesis procrastinating depression, I brushed and flossed teeth only about once per month, and it was my guilty pleasure to pretend my paradentosic mouth has a period. Another issue I soon realized is that I have to learn how to not gag on my saliva while laying, just like at the dentist. Also while at the store, I measured the size of my mouth and decided that size L ball will be fine. While it fills the mouth perfectly, so I couldn't utter anything sensible, it makes by jaw joints hurt. Now I had some issues with keeping my mouth open at the dentist, which seems related. Also after the extraction hole healed, I might have skimped on the rehabilitation, only just to fit a tall burger. So this is like excercise, which also hurts. Fitness always seemed quite masochist to me, maybe because of my bad physique. So maybe redirecting my kinks to jawline excercise instead of bygone gum chewing sound like all these weird motivational hoops neurodivergents must go through.
Now the whip, the most expensive purchase. Whips were the 1st human made object to produce a sonic boom, and I'm into sound effects and aerodynamics. There was also a different line that inspired the decission to shell out CZK 5k, and that is that as a punishment for thesis procrastination, and taking into account I have been repeatedly told to excercise more, I signed up for a circular training PE class at the college I still formally study. This is cycling through various workout stations. One of the stations is making waves with thick ropes to excersice arms. I love oscillation. Now you need to wave the whip handle in a specific way for the whip to make the crack, not unlike that rope wave making excercise. Another purpose of this purchase is that since I adopted the Islamic rule of 100 whips for cheating, I need to have something to administer this punishment with. No more cheapskate belt whips, proper masochist experience. Way better than breaking up. Showed this beauty to my sister, who said that I should have bought an actual weapon instead and it's more like for taking fancy pictures with. Mind you, the genetic fabric is the same, and I can definitely spot the brat in that reaction. Last but not least, my mom once threatened that she'll stand over me with a whip to make me write the thesis, so I can make a practical autistic literalism by handing the whip to her. There's also another saying that one should know some rote school materia "jak když bičem mrská", so another autistic literalism comedy material.
And now the flogger, the thing I thought I was going to get from the headmistress. Not sure about my neuron configuration on the back, or the exact flogger I've picked, but it appears to me that a flogger is actually more of a massage device than a punishment device. The endorphin curve is gentle, and the tentacles tickling the skin have much closer to sensory play than pain play. Riding crop with a string at end stings more and has more domstick vibe. Autistic people always have a weird relationship with pain, some things hurt inexplicably less, some more, and if sensorics aligns, it can produce masochism. Somehow, Christian Easter flagellation was distorted into willow whipping in Czechoslovakia. Now Halloween semms to be marketed as kinky Valentine, but we have our unique kinky holiday already. There's no agreement on whether or how it switches after noon, and Eastern Slovaks do ice bucket challenge instead. Also we have May 1st instead of Valentine, the sakuras need more climate change to blossom in February.
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Post-purchase addendum:
The 60cm oval chain is actually just barely pullable over my head, and the 75cm oval chain is a bit longer than necessary for the full-body chains, which means the 60cm will be used instead. The 50cm oval chains replaced the 30cm ellipsoid chains at ankles, so that the stride can be longer. The 75cm twisted chain is used as a leash when locking a dog collar.
I went in again to a different branch and bought a 10m black presumably cotton rope, which turned out to be a bit short for me, but still dripping. Will look for 15m and 20m one. Definitely going for full centimeter thickness, prefferably teal color. Also that latex cleaning spray thing is cyclomethicone, which will be forbidden to use for dry cleaning in EU after June 2026.
I went in again to the branch I went originally and bought another 10 m of matching thickness to the thicker one, so now I can have 10+5+10=25 m sans the length used for knots to link them, so like 24 m. I also dared to buy the handcuffs. I chose the most expensive ones there, at CZK 3.8k, because of double locking. Now this double locking isn't the same as police ones. There are 2 different types of keys, one usual for the cuff itself, and other one inserted from the hinge with a regular key insert lock, that freezes the mechanism completely. This means escapology only after lockpicking, and good luck with that, because they are hinged. Cheaper ones didn't have that double locking, and some had a keyless release, which would completely kill the drip I had when trying it on just one wrist. Finally, I picked the condom pack with the furthermost expiry date, of May 2030. No more asexual "but I don't have a condom" excuses.
Furthermore, I've completed the lock alphabet with those sold in a večerka. This means I have now 26 smaller padlocks labeled, along with their keys, by sharpie, A to Z, spanning 4 lock sizes, and then an extra flower lock set labeled 1 to 8. The sub can have an escape room, but this relies on knowing the alphabet, which may not be in character for littles.
