Sarcastic Dystopia about Finding Foreign Currency on Crimea

Was a homework to write an English story probably about finding something. Got a 1 (A for Americans, 5 for Russians, 8/8 m8 4 teh MLG) and a note about this being "interesting dystopia". One of those characters will be Eon (Neo anagram, but is more like Morpheus) in upcoming Adventures, where it will serve for making fun of both islamofiles (some of them being muslim already) and islamophobes, also of muslims unhappy with the fact they can't eat bacon, hares but not rabbits), Wienerschnitzel mit Bier and Bratwurst. As for now, I don't know which one will take the place. Either Eon would have XP with imaming (equals "being an imam") or be rich. The intended word limit was 250 words, but our teacher doesn't believe in these as the story has no time or space to develop and remains a sort of anecdote. Even though it was recommended tot to exceed 350, this thing is 43 words over. Nevertheless it's the 1st side story from the Getman's Adventures fanfiction parody series.



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 THE BENEFIT OF CURIOSITY
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written by Johannes Getmann in April 2015


The weather really sucked when Muhammad Abu Ali Al-Iksandr went to Gathering day (Friday) midday prayer at a local mosque at in Sevastopol. Since global warming had took taken off, by 2200 the sunny summer days on Crimea were almost gone, reflecting on the number of Russian recreants. The fact that Islamic State had just conquered Odessa didn't make it any better. Because he would come too early when the morning prayer would still be in progress, he stopped for a kebab in Putin Street.

Seeing something strange on the opposite side of the street, he took it as he had finished his food. No one has taken it in between, therefore there could be at least a bomb. It was a suitcase with 200 Megadinars in it, probably a ransom for some Islamic State hostages or cash for a large drug order. Muhammad couldn't go to the police with it because he was being charged for continuously letting his wife go out without a hijab. Therefore he took it to the mosque and under Zakat asked his fellow brothers is anyone of them was needinged some money, for example for pilgrimage to Mecca.

After the prayer, the kind imam Abu Muhammad Al-Ivanov, being 1 of the few people capable of actually reading Arabic, offered to help him with searching to whom this load of money is meant to be delivered. Meanwhile, some brothers took some amount of it mostly for their debts, mainly owing to the fact most of the people at the mosque had already made the Hajj. When the suitcase was inspected again, there were only 190 Megadinars.

Even after investigating the boulevard Russian and Ukrainian gossip-papers, of which Muhammad took the care, because he wasn't that good in reading Arabic, they couldn’t find any kidnapping, robbery, loss or any other missing or need of sum even close to 200 Megadinars. Assuming it was just a gift from Allah, the Abu decided it would be best to donate almost half of it to regional ummah development. Initially he intended to leave 50 Megadinars, but Muhammad accepted only a half of it, which still allowed him to quit his job and buy a private island. Hadn't Muhammad chosen his way through the kebaberia, he wouldn’t have found the money and the local ummah would still be poor. May Allah have mercy on his soul.


393 words



EDIT 01.11.2015: Corrected what was corrected. I didn't have corrected essay right next to me back then.