I wanted to see how do machines compare against talented humans when it comes to composing something that rhymes. Turns out it generates also some parodies. This site also needs more dadaism and generator outputs.
0 CONTENTS
1 Poems
Cuthbert is a friendly teenager who enjoys traveling
Maud is a friendly professional sports person who enjoys running
Maud is a 25-year-old professional sports person who enjoys running, vandalising bus stops and eating out. She is friendly and gentle, but can also be very boring and a bit stingy.
She is Egyptian who defines herself as asexual.
Physically, Maud is in pretty good shape. She is short with brown skin, pink hair and brown eyes.She grew up in a working class neighbourhood. She was raised by her mother, her father having left when she was young.
Maud's best friend is a professional sports person called Jemma Griffiths. They get on well most of the time. She also hangs around with Katrina Owen and Reagan Stewart. They enjoy going to the movies together.
Jack is a friendly government politician who enjoys relaxing
Jack is a 28-year-old government politician who enjoys relaxing, helping old ladies across the road and reading. He is friendly and caring, but can also be very standoffish and a bit moody.
He is a Saint Lucian aetheist who defines himself as straight. He started studying philosophy, politics and economics at college but never finished the course.
Physically, Jack is in good shape. He is tall with skin, hair and eyes.He grew up in a working class neighbourhood. His father left when he was young, leaving him with his mother, who was an addict.
He is currently in a relationship with Annette Rhonda Hunter. Annette is 4 years older than him and works as a builder.
Jack's best friend is a government politician called Kim Wood. They get on well most of the time. He also hangs around with Aliyah Li and Marie Griffiths. They enjoy repressing minorities together.
6.4 Biography for Warwick Harry Gloop
Warwick is a friendly government politician who enjoys cycling
Warwick is a 25-year-old government politician who enjoys cycling, helping old ladies across the road and checking news stories against Snopes. He is friendly and bright, but can also be very unstable and a bit disloyal.
He is Belgian who defines himself as straight.
Physically, Warwick is not in great shape. He needs to lose quite a lot of weight. He is short with dark chocolate skin, brown hair and black eyes.He grew up in an upper class neighbourhood. His mother left when he was young, leaving him with his father, who was a drunk.
He is currently in a relationship with Cheyenne Kimberly Ramos. Cheyenne is 15 years older than him and works as a politician.
Warwick's best friend is a government politician called Stewart Roberts. They get on well most of the time. He also hangs around with Nate Kelly and Leona Quinn. They enjoy yoga together.
7 BAND AND SONG NAMES
John Talent
And Other Band Name Ideas
John Talent
Retro Retro
Techno Keyboard
McKeyboard
Catsica
Computers and a Keyboard
John Eats the Keyboard
King Black
Lord of the Retro Cats
One Girl, 88 Computers
No Rest For the Musicians
Undercover Keyboard and the Retro Computers
Prague Panic
Keyboardhead
The Keyboard Cats
88 Cats
Rubbish Prague Cats
Retro Tooth
Keyboard Attack
Prague Thunder Fingers
Composing Computers
Deaf Cats
Composing Dolls
Super Retro Cats
John and the Techno Humans
Keyboard Tribute
Keyboard of the Techno Computers
Keyboard Failure
Riot of the Black Keyboard
It's My Keyboard
Allo Computers
The Kind of Songs Flight of the Computers might record
Prague State of Mind
try it with Rap Generator
Our Retro Keyboard Love
try it with Love Song Generator
Our Summer Cats
try it with Freestyle Song Generator
This Love is Retro But It's Techno
try it with Taylor Swift Song Generator
If I was your Retro Keyboard
try it with Justin Bieber Song Generator
Master Of Prague
try it with Metal Song Generator
0 CONTENTS
1 Poems
1.1 The Doctor and the Princess - Couplets
1.2 The Afraid and Content Best Friend - Quick Poem
1.3 A Man Called Spike - Limerick
1.4 Fruit - Acrostic
1.5 Kebab (less random)
1.6 The Greasy And Unhealty Kostelecké Uzeniny (less random)
1.7 The Tasty And Nourishing Kebab (less random)
1.8 Pebble - A Haiku
1.9 Camel - A Haiku
1.10 Fox - A Haiku
1.11 Ant - A Haiku
1.12 Pebble II - A Haiku
1.13 The Jockey and the Musician - Couplets
1.14 The Ghost and the Fairy - Couplets
1.15 Ode to the Rat - Sonnet
1.16 Ode to the Girl - Sonnet
1.17 Ode to the Husband - Sonnet
1.18 Ode to the Octopus - Sonnet
1.19 Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious - Acrostic (less random)
1.20 Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis - Acrostic (less random)
1.21 Pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism - Acrostic (less random)
1.22 Floccinaucinihilipilification - Acrostic (less random)
1.23 Antidisestablishmentarianism - Acrostic (less random)
1.24 Aequeosalinocalcalinoceraceoaluminosocupreovitriolic - Acrostic (less random)
1.25 A Man Called Peter - Limerick
1.26 A Lass Called Kelly - Limerick
1.27 A Lass Called Sam - Limerick
1.28 A Man Called Ross - Limerick
2 Lyrics
2.1 A Houston State of Mind (The Key Hip Hop) - Rap
2.2 Master of Chickens - Metal Anthem
2.3 How Much do you Love Women - Freestyle Song
2.4 A Canada State of Mind (The Rod Hip Hop) - A Rap
2.5 Mistress of Ghosts - Metal Anthem
2.6 Our Muscular Pepper Love - A Love Song for Donald
2.7 No Married Sausages at Our Summer Road trip - A Summer Song
2.8 Like A Sexy Banana - In the style of an X Factor finalist (UK)
2.9 The Tale of My Muscular Actor Cousin - A Ballad
2.10 A Beautiful and Exciting God - A Christmas Song Nasheed
2.11 What Do You Want To Be Hans Solo? - In the style of The Village People
2.12 Gimme A Sports Car Buzz Lightyear! - in the style of Abba
2.13 The Silver Moon and the Used Tissue - In the style of Grease The Musical
2.14 Feed Me Natalie Portman One More Time - In the Style of Britney Spears
2.15 Living For Their Friends in a Black Old Banger - In the style of The Beatles
2.16 All the Poor Ladies - In the style of Beyonce Knowles
2.17 If I was your amusing muppet - In the style of Justin Bieber
2.18 That's What Makes You Funny - In the style of One Direction
2.19 I kissed a stripper and I liked it - In the style of Katy Perry
2.20 This Love is Smelly But It's Crazy - In the style of Taylor Swift
2.21 The Chubby Brains Hip Hop - In the style of Eminem
2.22 Let the Bat Eat - In the style of Adele
3 Stories
3.1 Armageddon and the Stripy Guillotine - Drabble
3.2 The Snow that Flurried like Sitting Flamingos - Short Story
3.3 Arrogant Robber - Screenplay
3.2 The Snow that Flurried like Sitting Flamingos - Short Story
3.3 Arrogant Robber - Screenplay
4 Letters
4.1 To Hillary Clinton: Re: Fracking - I Feel Fuming!
4.2 To Donald Trump: Re: Obama Care - I Feel Frustrated! (less random)
1 POEMS
1.1 The Doctor and the Princess
Rhyming Couplet Ideas by Getman
See the bouncing of the doctor,
I think he's angry at the doktor.
He finds it hard to see the alligator,
Overshadowed by the handsome moderator.
Who is that paddling near the pencil?
I think she'd like to eat the pensel.
She is but a nocturnal princess,
Admired as she sits upon a minced chess.
Her crazed car is just a rat,
It needs no gas, it runs on bratt.
She's not alone she brings a wolf,
a pet rodent, and lots of beowulf.
The rodent likes to chase a fly,
Especially one that's in the aye.
The doctor shudders at the gorgeous spanner
He want to leave but she wants the pet scanner.
1.2 The Afraid And Content Best Friend
A Poem by Getman
Whose best friend is that? I think I know.
Its owner is quite angry though.
He was cross like a dark potato.
I watch him pace. I cry hello.
He gives his best friend a shake,
And screams I've made a bad mistake.
The only other sound's the break,
Of distant waves and birds awake.
The best friend is afraid, content and deep,
But he has promises to keep,
Tormented with nightmares he never sleeps.
Revenge is a promise a man should keep.
He rises from his cursed bed,
With thoughts of violence in his head,
A flash of rage and he sees red.
Without a pause I turned and fled.
With thanks to the poet, Robert Frost, for the underlying structure.
1.3 A Man Called Spike
A Limerick by Getman
There once was a young man called spike.
He said, "See the lovely tax hike!"
It was rather sharp,
But not very tarp,
He couldn't say no to the vandyke.
1.4 Fruit
An Acrostic by Getman
Fulgurating extremists terrorise.
Ripened grapefruit rage.
Urgent shouts scream.
Intense prickles terrorize.
Thick quakes shake.
1.5 Kebab
A Poem by Getman
Whose Kostelecké uzeniny is that? I think I know.
Its owner is quite angry though.
He was cross like a dark potato.
I watch him pace. I cry hello.
He gives his Kostelecké uzeniny a shake,
And screams I've made a bad mistake.
The only other sound's the break,
Of distant waves and birds awake.
The Kostelecké uzeniny is greasy, unhealty and deep,
But he has promises to keep,
Tormented with nightmares he never sleeps.
Revenge is a promise a man should keep.
He rises from his cursed bed,
With thoughts of violence in his head,
A flash of rage and he sees red.
Without a pause I turned and fled.
A Poem by Getman
Whose kebab is that? I think I know.
Its owner is quite happy though.
Full of joy like a vivid rainbow,
I watch her laugh. I cry hello.
She gives her kebab a shake,
And laughs until her belly aches.
The only other sound's the break,
Of distant waves and birds awake.
The kebab is tasty, nourishing and deep,
But she has promises to keep,
After cake and lots of sleep.
Sweet dreams come to her cheap.
She rises from her gentle bed,
With thoughts of kittens in her head,
She eats her jam with lots of bread.
Ready for the day ahead.
With thanks to the poet, Robert Frost, for the underlying structure.
1.8 Pebble - A Haiku
Rainy evening
A flat, silly pebble calls
after the panda
1.9 Camel - A Haiku
Dampish afforest
A male, cunning camel snaps
watching the goldfish
Rocky damp hillside
A 20th, cute fox frightens
betrayed by the rock
Inclement morning
An adorable ant flaps
into the chicken
Glorious dunes
A little, fair pebble calls
whilst watching the spouse
Rhyming Couplet Ideas by Getman
See the trotting of the jockey,
I think he's angry at the busalacchi.
He finds it hard to see the ghost,
Overshadowed by the fast woeste.
Who is that snapping near the giraffe?
I think she'd like to eat the longstaff.
She is but a wrong musician,
Admired as she sits upon a mathematician.
Her emotional car is just a cat,
It needs no gas, it runs on pack rat.
She's not alone she brings a chalk,
a pet hippopotamus, and lots of spock.
The hippopotamus likes to chase a petal,
Especially one that's in the white metal.
The jockey shudders at the small house
He want to leave but she wants the blockhouse.
1.14 The Ghost and the Fairy
Rhyming Couplet Ideas by Getman
See the hooting of the ghost,
I think he's angry at the ost.
He finds it hard to see the octopus,
Overshadowed by the deadly puss.
Who is that standing near the giraffe?
I think she'd like to eat the riffraff.
She is but a weak fairy,
Admired as she sits upon a nary.
Her evil car is just a wife,
It needs no gas, it runs on linoleum knife.
She's not alone she brings a cheese,
a pet goat, and lots of bees.
The goat likes to chase a king,
Especially one that's in the coil spring.
The ghost shudders at the light rock
He want to leave but she wants the bloch.
1.15 Ode to the Rat
A Sonnet by Getman
My goofy rat, you inspire me to write.
How I hate the way you cook, hunt and chirp,
Invading my mind day and through the night,
Always dreaming about the furry hjerpe.
Let me compare you to a warm cafe?
You are more content, gracious and acid.
Furred breeze flaps the placid dancers of May,
And the springtime has the present massad.
How do I hate you? Let me count the ways.
I hate your legs and personality.
Thinking of your good toenails fills my days.
My hate for you is the mortality.
Now I must away with a blurry heart,
Remember my nice words whilst we're apart.
1.16 Ode to the Girl
A Sonnet by Getman
My evil girl, you inspire me to write.
How I love the way you bark, hop and soar,
Invading my mind day and through the night,
Always dreaming about the random roar.
Let me compare you to a clear crowbar?
You are more charming, shrieval and ready.
Big storms whip the twiglets of October,
And autumntime has the heady bready.
How do I love you? Let me count the ways.
I love your sheer feet, fingers and ankle.
Thinking of your stark fingers fills my days.
My love for you is the medi crankle.
Now I must away with a steady heart,
Remember my bad words whilst we're apart.
1.17 Ode to the Husband
A Sonnet by Getman
My calm husband, you inspire me to write.
How I hate the way you drool, feed and waddle,
Invading my mind day and through the night,
Always dreaming about the big wadle.
Let me compare you to a nonmember?
You are more springy, quiet and busy.
Large winds shake the leafage of September,
And autumntime has the giant brizzi.
How do I hate you? Let me count the ways.
I hate your living lip, thumb and eyebrows.
Thinking of your blazing thumb fills my days.
My hate for you is the amazing howze.
Now I must away with a dizzy heart,
Remember my apt words whilst we're apart.
1.18 Ode to the Octopus
A Sonnet by Getman
My octopus, you inspire me to write.
How I love the way you look, skip and swim,
Invading my mind day and through the night,
Always dreaming about the solid timm.
Let me compare you to a deep clover?
You are more random, clever and heavy.
Sharp storms whip the twiglets of October,
And autumntime has the pholad vevey.
How do I love you? Let me count the ways.
I love your steep elbows, thumb and humour.
Thinking of your squalid thumb fills my days.
My love for you is the stolid rumer.
Now I must away with an adroit heart,
Remember my bold words whilst we're apart.
1.19 Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
An Acrostic by Getman
Secret fiddlesticks reckon.
Utterest sayers ask.
Poetical fiddlesticks indicate.
English spellings suppose.
Religious fiddlesticks see.
Conventional spellings concede-.
Analytic diminutives allege.
Latin diminutives consider.
Incorrect spellings accuse.
Few diminutives articulate.
Retentive thesauruses tell.
Abnormal spellings p-ronounce.
Grilled hamburgers cite-.
Identical spellings admit.
Latest sayers talk.
Inconsistent spellings assum-e.
Servile diminutives predict.
Tabboulehs say.
Irregular spellings read.
Coloured sweetmeats feel.
Extendable fiddlesticks argue.
Xenial meze enjoin.
Phonemic spellings suggest.
Identical spellings describe.
Archaic spellings agree.
Lengthy fiddlesticks posit.
Immortal sayers conf.
Defective spellings insi-st.
Overnight thesauruses enunc-iate.
Curious sweetmeats contend.
Identical spellings pretend.
Other diminutives aver.
Unconventional spellings cla-im.
Several spellings guess.
1.20 Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
An Acrostic by Getman
Pale apricots peep.
Nice apricots chirp.
Espaliered apricots str-idulate.
Unsulphured apricots chirrup.
Mini pumpkins tweedle.
Organic beets laugh.
Naked oats laugh.
Overripe papayas glimmer.
Unpeeled apples orange.
Largest apricots shine.
Tinned apricots shine.
Ruddy apricots run.
Absent dads glimmer.
Mad dads shout.
Irish oats shine.
Cooked beets shout.
Red apricots walk.
Overripe papayas walk.
Small apricots cry.
Called pumpkins walk.
Oats run.
Purple beets shout.
Interesting peeps freak.
Chopped beets run.
Smaller pumpkins glimmer.
Intimate peeps twitter.
Lovely pumpkins run.
Indescribable rustlings shout.
Clean beets glimmer.
Other dads shout.
Vague zucchini laugh.
Overripe papayas laugh.
Large beets run.
Cheeked apples orange.
Athome dads cry.
Nachos cry.
Outside noises cluck.
Cheeked apples orange.
Odd noises cluck.
Nachos walk.
Irish oats laugh.
Ominous rustlings cry.
Sweet apricots cry.
Immense pumpkins cry.
Sour apples orange.
1.21 Pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism
An Acrostic by Getman
Political figures dismay-ful.
Significant figures disor-ientate.
Exact figures alarm.
Underslung chassis di-ssuade.
Dental genetics in-timidate.
Old chassis overwhelm.
Precise figures affear.
Symbolic figures deter.
Extensive suturing enrage.
Uterine cytogenetics terrorize.
Detailed figures scare.
Omnipotent figures unner-ve.
Huge craniums affright.
Youthful craniums distract.
Precise suturing start-le.
Open frames establish.
Peruvian craniums disorient.
Annual figures s-car.
Routine suturing terrorise.
Available figures -disturb.
Theological systematics discourage.
Herculean figures incite.
Young immunogenetics terrify.
Round figures embarrass.
Omnipotent genetics horrify.
Intersexual genitalia annoy.
Developmental-psycholinguistics provoke.
Initial suturing dishearten.
Secure suturing spook.
Microbial genetics unsettle.
1.22 Floccinaucinihilipilification
An Acrostic by Getman
Fair prices charge.
Low prices charge.
Odd amphigory prescribe.
Cruel amphigory illustrate.
Constant prices outnumber.
Industrial prices outnumber.
Numerical magnitudes indicate.
Actual prices charge.
Unofficial estimates conclude.
Competitive prices charge.
Icy amphigory portr-ay.
Native stocks store.
Internal senses smell.
Higher senses discover.
Iconic amphigory convey.
Listed stocks contribute.
Industrial prices outnumber.
Psychic senses feel.
Internal strengths highlight.
Lower strengths weakness.
Intensive magnitudes articulate.
Financial securities guarantee.
Independent estimates conclude.
Cutaneous senses smell.
Annual estimates deem.
Theoretical strengths highlight.
Internal prices charge.
Organizational strengths weakness.
New securities guarantee.
1.23 Antidisestablishmentarianism
An Acrostic by Getman
Adjacent desks stem.
Empty desks preserved.
Quantitative controls actuate.
Unwanted intrusions arrest.
Editorial desks prevent.
Old desks indica-te.
Small desks incorporate.
Adjustable desks tu-rn-back.
Layered intrusions stifle.
Individual desks -curb.
Narrow desks suppress.
Old desks consist.
Cognitive intrusions season.
Algal carotenoids carry.
Liquid nutrients vitamin.
Colourless desks take.
Adjustable desks restrain.
Liquid nutrients vitamin.
Intrusions conta-in.
Nearby desks counteract.
Organic nutrients vitamin.
Certain carotenoids res-trict.
Essential nutrients vitamin.
Respective desks provide-.
Abundant carotenoids t.
Crystalline carotenoids absorb.
Encoded proteins cover.
Overt intrusions represent.
Available nutrients vitamin.
Liquid nutrients vitamin.
Usable nutrients vitamin.
Mammalian proteins check.
Insoluble oxalates ident-ify.
Naked rocks shake.
Ordinary limestones carbide.
Supplemental nutrients vitamin.
Official desks stop.
Cyanine carotenes comprise.
Unnecessary intrusions curtail.
Physical features consist.
Round footballs involve.
Endogenous carotenoids confine.
Oversized footballs enc-ompass.
Vacant desks cry.
Integral proteins run.
Total estrogens glimmer.
Resistant rocks sway.
Identical desks shine.
Objectionable features characterize.
Laccolithic intrusions run.
Identical desks walk.
Ceraceous intrusions glimmer.
1.25 A Man Called Peter
A Limerick by Getman
There once was a man called peter.
He said, "See the lovely teater!"
It was rather dear,
But not quite stratosphere
He couldn't say no to the metre.
1.26 A Lass Called Kelly
A Limerick by Getman
There once was a lass from london.
She said, "See the lovely indin!"
It was rather north,
But not quite burgeon forth
And she couldn't resist the outgunned in.
1.27 A Lass Called Sam
A Limerick by Getman
There once was a lass who prowled.
She thought she was awfully cowled.
She tried not to laugh,
At her terrible gaff,
She just couldn't say no to the scowled.
1.28 A Man Called Ross
A Limerick by Getman
There once was a man who chirped.
He said, "See the lovely excerpt!"
It was rather bird,
But not arkansas kingbird,
He just couldn't say no to the slurped.
2 LYRICS
2.1 A Houston State of Mind (The Key Hip Hop)
By Getman - A Rap
Yeah, yeah
Ayo, women, it's time.
It's time, women (aight, women, begin).
Straight out the useful dungeons of rap.
The mouse drops deep as does my sausage.
I never punch, 'cause to punch is the second cousin of boskage.
Beyond the walls of ladies, life is defined.
I think of muppets when I'm in a Houston state of mind.
Hope the grouse got some spouse.
My house don't like no dirty warehouse.
Run up to the louse and get the powerhouse.
In a Houston state of mind.
What more could you ask for? The moist mouse?
You complain about strangers.
I gotta love it though - somebody still speaks for the warehouse.
I'm rappin' to the key,
And I'm gonna move your hyperbole.
Lifeless, poor, hairy, like a knight
Boy, I tell you, I thought you were a light.
I can't take the strangers, can't take the compass.
I woulda tried to strip I guess I got no rumpus.
I'm rappin' to the hyperbole,
And I'm gonna move your key.
Yea, yaz, in a Houston state of mind.
When I was young my second cousin had a night.
I waz kicked out without no site.
I never thought I'd see that right.
Ain't a soul alive that could take my second cousin's insight.
A lifeless bat is quite the at.
Thinking of muppets. Yaz, thinking of muppets (muppets).
2.2 Master of Chickens
By Getman - A Metal Anthem
Faster than a train
Terrifying scream
Enraged and like a jane
He's half man and half egg cream
Master of chickens I'm pulling your lever
Twisting your hair and smashing your records
Blinded by me, you can't see the griever
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you accord
Master
Master
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you accord
Master
Master
Two is the number of the scream.
A slimy ant nestled somewhere in time
A slimy rat - no warnings, no signs
Judgment day and the a stupid bill arrives
Eventually, they all commit crimes
The records went SMACK, there was no use turning back
'Cause I just had to see, was a scream watching me?
In the mist the hair twists
Was all this swell, or just some kind of hell?
Two is the number of the scream.
Is it the end, my friend?
Master you're going 'round the bend
Half man and half egg cream
No, no, please, no
Two ... two
2.3 How much do you love women?
By Getman - An Original Song
You get on with life as a consultant,
You're a kind kinda person.
You like reading comics and swimming.
You like to contemplate men.
But when you start to daydream,
Your mind turns straight to women.
Tralala tralala...
Do you love women more than men?
Do you love women more than men?
You like to use words like 'probable' and 'freak.'
You like to use words about men.
But when you stop your talking,
Your mind turns straight to women.
Tralala tralala...
Do you love women more than men?
Do you love women more than men?
You like to hang out with Dave and Rich.
But when left alone,
Your mind turns straight to women.
Tralala tralala...
Do you love women more than men?
Do you love women more than men?
You hate losing card games and headless chickens.
But you just think back to women,
And you're happy once again.
Tralala tralala...
2.4 A Canada State of Mind (The Rod Hip Hop)
By Getman - A Rap
Yeah, yeah
Ayo, my people, it's time.
It's time, my people (aight, my people, begin).
Straight out the useful dungeons of rap.
The joystick drops deep as does my aardvark.
I never leap, 'cause to leap is the niece of mark.
Beyond the walls of iron filings, life is defined.
I think of rappers when I'm in a Canada state of mind.
Hope the shark got some park.
My mark don't like no dirty spark.
Run up to the arc and get the bark.
In a Canada state of mind.
What more could you ask for? The wild joystick?
You complain about lateness.
I gotta love it though - somebody still speaks for the kick.
I'm rappin' to the rod,
And I'm gonna move your cod.
Ugly, moist, amazing, like a mouse
Boy, I tell you, I thought you were a grouse.
I can't take the lateness, can't take the pineapple.
I woulda tried to zoom I guess I got no scrapple.
I'm rappin' to the cod,
And I'm gonna move your rod.
Yea, yaz, in a Canada state of mind.
When I was young my niece had a kick.
I waz kicked out without no flick.
I never thought I'd see that nick.
Ain't a soul alive that could take my niece's tick.
An entertaining banana is quite the santa.
Thinking of rappers. Yaz, thinking of rappers (rappers).
2.5 Mistress of Ghosts
By Getman - A Metal Anthem
Faster than a train
Terrifying lion
Enraged and like a maine
She's half woman and half lyon
Mistress of ghosts I'm pulling your rope
Twisting your hair and smashing your hopes
Blinded by me, you can't see the winter heliotrope
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you cope
Mistress
Mistress
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you cope
Mistress
Mistress
One hundred is the number of the lion.
A miserable ant nestled somewhere in time
An arrogant spider - no warnings, no signs
Judgment day and the a bitter roach arrives
Eventually, they all commit crimes
The hopes went SMACK, there was no use turning back
'Cause I just had to see, was a lion watching me?
In the mist the hair twists
Was all this swell, or just some kind of hell?
One hundred is the number of the lion.
Is it the end, my friend?
Mistress you're going 'round the bend
Half woman and half lyon
No, no, please, no
One hundred ... one hundred
2.6 Our Muscular Pepper Love
By Getman - A Love Song For Donald
This one's for you LadySherryglade Shadilay!
My love for you is like the most muscular pepper,
Your face reminds me of tasty goats,
Together, we are like salad and balsamic vinegar.
Oh darling Donald,
My muscular pepper,
My tasty onion,
The perfect companion to my salad soul.
Strawberries are red,
Kingfishers are blue,
I like eating pies,
But not as much as I love laughing with you!
Oh darling Donald,
Your cheeks are like stunning boats on a autumn day,
You're like the most strong surgeon to ever walk Weston-super-Mare.
Your tasty goat face,
Your balsamic vinegar soul,
Your stunning cheeks,
Your strong surgeon being...
How could I look at another when our muscular pepper love is so strong?
I love you Lady Sherryglade!
2.7 No Married Sausages at Our Summer Road trip
By Getman - A Summer Song
We're all going to a summer road trip
No more acting for a week or two
Useful ladies and big jugs at our summer road trip
No more married sausages for me or you
For a week or two
Summertime, and the livin' is useful
Ladies are dancing and the jugs are high
Oh, your partner's big and your partner is super
So hush my hairy babycakes, don't you cry
Oh the summer of 2020
I can't wait to do some dancing with you
You can't wait to do some dancing with me
This just can't be summer love, you'll see
This just can't be summer love
'Cause you were mine for the summer
Now we know it's nearly over
Feels like autumn mist
But I always will remember
You were my summer love
You always will be my summer love
I wish they all could be ...
I wish they all could be ...
I wish they all could be ladies of Brazil
Summertime, and the livin' is useful
Ladies are dancing and the jugs are high
Oh, your partner's big and your partner is super
So hush hairy babycakes, don't you cry
Me and some sausages from Japan
Had a band and we tried real hard.
Maddie quit, Joey went punching
I should've known we'd never end up loving
Oh the summer of 2020
Summer dancing had me a blast, oh yeah
Summer dancing happened so fast,
Summer road trip drifting away,
To, uh oh, that summer road trip
Yeah the summer of 2020
2.8 Like A Sexy Banana
By Getman - In the style of an X Factor finalist (UK)
I heard there was a secret banana
That Chris knew about, and it pleased the technician
But you don't really care for melons, do ya?
Well, it goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled technician composing Ooh
Ooh (4x)
I'm not here to say I'm a sexy humming bird
I'm not here to lie to you
Some people wait a lifetime
For a banana like this
Some people search forever
For that one sexy banana
Ohh I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
For a banana like this
I'm not here to say I'm a sexy humming bird
I'm not here to lie to you
There's still a little bit of your sausage on my mind
There's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
It's still a little hard to say what's going on
There's still a little bit of your sausage, your poor sausage
There's still a little bit of your chest I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day that I can't say what's going on
A sausage taught me to shoot
Love taught me to smile
Life taught me to zoom
So it's not hard to fall
When you shoot like a poor sausage
The baffled technician composing Ooh
Ooh (4x)
And if we're only here once I wanna shoot with you
You've got something I need
In this world full of melons there's one loving me
And if we're only here once (ooh)
I wanna shoot with you (you, you, you)
You've got something I need
In this world full of melons there's one loving me
And if we're only here once (ooh)
I wanna shoot with you (you, you)
Skies are sexy, I am jealous
Catching melons in my hands
Only silence as it's ending
Like we never had a chance
Do you have to make me feel jealous?
You can take the poor sausage
You can break my legs
Like I'm made of melons
Like I'm made of melons
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a poor sausage
Like a grubby pineapple
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you shoot
Somehow you will
You will when you shoot
I'm not here to say I'm a sexy humming bird
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to shoot
I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to smile
I'm not giving up (ooh)
I'm here to shake some bootie
To shake some bootie is my goal
The baffled technician composing Ooh
OOH
2.9 The Tale of My Muscular Actor Cousin
By Getman - A Ballad
It began on a married April morning:
I was the most generous barman around,
She was the most muscular actor.
She was my cousin,
My muscular cousin,
My actor.
We used to eat so well together,
Back then.
We wanted to smoke together, around the world,
We wanted it all.
But one morning, one married morning,
We decided to smoke too much.
Together we handled an emo.
It was sharp, so sharp.
From that moment our relationship changed.
She grew so amazing.
And then it happened:
Oh no! Oh no!
She hugged a chicken.
Alas, a chicken!
My cousin hugged a chicken.
It was cool, so cool.
The next day I thought my fingers had broken,
I thought my jaw had burst into flames,
(But I was actually overreacting a little.)
But still, she is in my thoughts.
I think about how it all changed that morning,
That married April morning.
My jaw... ouch!
When I think of that muscular actor,
That muscular actor and me.
2.10 A Beautiful and Exciting God
By Getman - A ChristmasSong Nasheed
Last Christmas, I gave you my inflatable sheep
But the very next day, you set it on fire
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to Allah
I'm dreaming of a remarkable Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the elves glisten and grandparents listen
To hear Santa's footsteps in the snow
You were funny
You were charming
Monarch of Prague
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
The crowd were swinging
All the grandparents they were singing
You asked me to kick
And then we did sing
But then last Christmas, I gave you my inflatable sheep
And the very next day, you set it on fire
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to Allah instead
You're rank
You're naive
Happy Christmas to you
I pray God it's your last
Rockin' around the Christmas May pole
At the Christmas party hop,
Rockin' around the Christmas May pole,
Let the Christmas spirit ring,
Later I'll have some roast potatoes
And me and Allah will sing
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about shiny necklaces
I just want Allah for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true oh
All I want for Christmas is Allah
Oh, Allah yeah, oh Allah yeah
Allah the god is a beautiful, exciting soul
Allah the god is a fairy tale they say
Allah baby, I want you and really that is all
I'll wait up for you, dear
Allah baby, won't you sing with me tonight?
So here it is, remarkable Christmas
Everybody's here to kick
Look to the future now
It's only just begun
Simply having a remarkable Christmastime
Simply having a remarkable Christmastime
2.11 What Do You Want To Be Hans Solo?
By Getman - In the style of The Village People
Where can you find pleasure?
Search the world for treasure?
Where can you shut up?
Make your dreams all come true?
Where can you fetch me my slippers?
In my space rocket!
Yes, you can shut up!
In my space rocket!
Yes, you can fetch me my slippers!
In my space rocket!
Come on now Hans Solo, make a stand.
In my space rocket!
Hans Solo, shut up.
I said, Hans Solo, fetch me my slippers.
It's sharp to strip in my space rocket.
It's sharp to strip in my space rocket.
They have some pebbles,
You can shut up.
It's sharp to strip in my space rocket.
It's sharp to strip in my space rocket.
They have a mobile phone,
You can fetch me my slippers.
Hans Solo, are you listening to me?
I said, Hans Solo, what do you want to be?
I said, Hans Solo, you can make real your dreams.
But you got to know this one thing:
My tits aren't real.
And...
It's sharp to strip in my space rocket.
It's sharp to strip in my space rocket.
2.12 Gimme A Sports Car Buzz Lightyear!
By Getman - in the style of Abba
I was sick and tired of everything,
When I called you last night from my hotel.
All I do is bleach and pump iron and queue at the check outs,
Wishing that there was world peace.
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme a sports car!
Won't somebody help me grow a pair!
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme a sports car!
I really want to grow a pair!
Buzz Lightyear, I was defeated, you won the war.
Buzz Lightyear, promise to love me forever more.
Buzz Lightyear, couldn't escape if I wanted to.
Buzz Lightyear, knowing my fate is to be with you.
Crikey-crikey-crikey-crikey-crikey Buzz Lightyear!
Finally facing Buzz Lightyear.
You are the smooching academic, here in my hotel.
Smooching academic, feel the beat from the tambourine.
You can grow a pair, you can grow a pair, having the time of your life.
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! a sports car,
Won't somebody help me grow a pair!
2.13 The Silver Moon and the Used Tissue
By Getman - In the style of Grease The Musical
Silver moon, you saw me humming alone,
Without a dream in my heart,
Without a little black dress of my own.
Silver moon, you knew just what I was there for,
You heard me saying a prayer for,
A little black dress I really could care for.
And then suddenly appeared before me, the only one my arms could ever hold.
I heard somebody whisper 'abracadabra'
But when I looked, that moon had turned to a used tissue!
Oh oh oh...
Silver moon, now I'm no longer alone,
Without a dream in my heart, without a used tissue of my own.
You better shape up,
'Cause I need a little black dress,
And instead I got a used tissue.
You better shape up;
You better understand,
To my heart I must be true.
And this used tissue and me are through!
We go together,
Like Dakota Fanning and Liam Hemsworth, Like Liam Hemsworth and Dakota Fanning.
Remembered forever,
As manky manky manky obnoxious-obnoxious boom de boom de boom.
Well - a well - a well - a huh...
Tell me more, tell me more,
Is Coronation Street really-better than EastEnders?
Tell me more, tell me more,
Is the used tissue a joke?
Tell me more, tell me more,
Where is my sodding little black dress?
Humming dreams ripped at the seams, but oh those humming nights.
2.14 Feed Me Natalie Portman One More Time
By Getman - In the Style of Britney Spears
Oh snookums, snookums!
Oh Natalie Portman, Natalie Portman!
I must confess,
I still believe (still believe),
That people are made of jelly!
Give me a sign,
Feed me Natalie Portman one more time!
Oh snookums, snookums!
Oh Nick Jonas, Nick Jonas!
I'm addicted to you.
Don't you know that you're meaty!
And I love what you do.
Don't you know that you're meaty!
Oh snookums, snookums!
Oh David Beckham, David Beckham!
I think I did it again,
I made you believe that you can fly,
Oh David Beckham!
To wander through life like that is just so typically me.
Oh snookums, snookums!
Eek!.. I did it again!
I ran for president!
Oh snookums, snookums!
Oh Buzz Lightyear, Buzz Lightyear!
I think I made you believe that the ink is black, the-page is white.
Eek!.. You think that the ink is black, the-page is white.
Oh snookums, snookums!
I'm not that stunning!
You see my problem is this,
I don't like cheese,
Wishing that there was world peace.
Oh snookums, snookums!
Oh Natalie Portman, Natalie Portman!
Oh Nick Jonas, Nick Jonas!
Oh David Beckham, David Beckham!
Oh Buzz Lightyear, Buzz Lightyear!
I must confess,
I still believe (still believe),
That people are made of jelly!
Give me a sign,
Feed me Natalie Portman one more time!
2.15 Living For Their Friends in a Black Old Banger
By Getman - In the style of The Beatles
Oh yeah, I'll tell you something,
I think you'll understand.
When I'll say that something,
I want to hold your kettle. (3x)
Oh please, say to me,
You'll let me shake some bootie.
And please, say to me,
You'll let me rock the world.
Now let me hold your kettle,
I want to hold your kettle.
Imagine there's no biscuits.
It's easy if you try.
No computers in Prague,
Above us only cakes.
Imagine all the people,
Living for their friends...
You may say I'm an autistic,
But I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us,
And the world will become lovely.
All you need is zombie powers. (3x)
Zombie powers.
Zombie powers is all you need.
We all live in our black old banger,
Black old banger, black old banger,
We all live in our black old banger,
Black old banger, black old banger.
Oh yeah!
2.16 All the Poor Ladies
By Getman - In the style of Beyonce Knowles
All the poor ladies! (All the poor ladies!) (3x)
All the poor ladies!
Now put your nose up.
Every night I travel in my bed,
Lost in a fairytale.
Can you hold my belly button and be my guide?
Iron filings filled with bananas cover your skies.
What kinda dream is this?
You could be a single key or a stunning cat.
Either way I don't wanna walk without you.
Aardvarks, we run this motha (yeah!) (4x)
AARDVARKS!
Yes! So divorced right now,
Most incredibly divorced.
Oh! So divorced. Oh! So divorced.
Yes! So divorced right now.
All the iron filings who are independent,
Throw your arm pits at me!
All the iron filings who makin' cookies,
Throw your arm pits at me!
All the iron filings who truly feel happy,
Throw your arm pits at me!
Tonight I'll be your divorced compass.
I'm callin' all my aardvarks.
I know you want my bumpy belly button.
Tonight I'll be your divorced compass
I'm callin' all my aardvarks.
Who run the world? Aardvarks, we run this motha - yeah!
Who run this motha? Aardvarks, we run this motha - yeah!
Who run the world? Aardvarks, we run this motha - yeah!
2.17 If I was your amusing muppet
By Getman - In the style of Justin Bieber
Oh, Yeah, o kurwa
You know you love me, I know you care
Just sing whenever, and I'll be there
You are my clown, you are my heart
And we will never ever ever be apart
If I was your muppet, I'd never let you bleed
Keep you on my arm, you'd never be alone
I can be your teeth, anything you want
If I was your muppet, I'd never let you bleed, I'd never let you bleed
Pookie, pookie, pookie o kurwa
Like baby, baby, baby nooo
Like pookie, pookie, pookie o kurwa
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)
When I met you pookie my teeth went boing
Now them aardvarks in my fingers won't stop stop
And even though it's a struggle love is all we got
So we gonna keep keep smiling to the mountain top
There's gonna be one more teeth going boing
One more teeth going boing
One more teeth going boing
Your hands, my biggest weakness
Shouldn't have let you know
I'm always gonna do what they say (hey)
If you need me
I'll come smooching
From a thousand miles away
When you leap I leap (oh whoa)
You roam, I roam
Hey
Na na na, na na na, na na o kurwa
Yeah clown
Na na na, na na na, na na na o kurwa
If I was your muppet
Na na na, na na na, na na na o kurwa
Na na na, na na na, na na na o kurwa
If I was your muppet
My friends say I'm a fool to think
That you're the one for me
I guess I'm just a amusing fool for my pookie
Pierdole
2.18 That's What Makes You Funny
By Getman - In the style of One Direction
Lately I found myself running (running)
Been dreaming about you a lot (a lot)
And up in my head I'm your husband (husband)
But that's one thing you've already got.
You're clean,
Don't know what for,
You're turning heads when you wiggle that ass,
Don't need make-up,
To cover up,
Being the way that you are is enough.
Sweat heart, you light up my world like nobody else,
The way that you pluck your nostril hair gets me overwhelmed,
But when you snort when you laugh it ain't hard to tell,
You don't know,
Oh, oh,
You don't know you're clean,
If only you saw what I can see,
You'd understand why I want you so desperately,
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe,
You don't know,
Oh, oh,
You don't know you're clean,
Oh, oh,
That's what makes you clean.
I've tried playing it cool,
But when I'm looking at you,
I can't ever be funny,
'Cause you make my heart sail.
One way or another I'm gonna snort when you laugh,
I'm gonna get you, get you, get you, get you.
One way or another I'm gonna wiggle that ass,
I'm gonna get you, get you, get you, get you.
It feels like I'm constantly running,
'Cause I can't compete with your husband,
He's got four tattoos.
2.19 I kissed a stripper and I liked it
By Getman - In the style of Katy Perry
This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, hockey stick in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention
I kissed a stripper and I liked it
The taste of her wet lips
I kissed a stripper just to try it
I hope my teacher don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean anything, right?
I kissed a stripper and I liked it
I liked it
No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter,
You're my experimental game
Just human nature,
It's not what,
Meaty people do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey
I kissed a stripper and I liked it
The smell of her sharp neck
I kissed a stripper just to try it
I hope my teacher don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean anything, right?
I kissed a stripper and I liked it
I liked it,
Those girls they are so magical
Wet lips, sharp neck, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent
I kissed a stripper and I liked it
The sound of her amazing insides
I kissed a stripper just to try it
I hope my teacher don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean anything, right?
I kissed a stripper and I liked it
I liked it
I liked the feel of her hot legs
I liked the feel of her hot legs.
2.20 This Love is Smelly But It's Crazy
By Getman - In the style of Taylor Swift
We were both exciting when I first saw you.
You make some money and the flashback starts:
Berlin is where I'm standing in the January air.
What are you doing with that new lover?
Who wears that wild scarf,
When I wear a quiet dungarees,
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for is my lifeless jaw.
So this is me joking,
Standing in front of you saying, "I didn't mean to hurt you!"
And I go back to January all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but smoking energetically,
Wishing I'd realised this is not my natural hair-colour.
I'd go back to January, turn around and do some prancing.
I go back to January quite often.
Pookie, let's do some running,
This love is smelly but it's crazy.
It's a love story, pookie,
Just be my meaty puppy.
We are never ever ever going to try skipping busily together,
We are never ever ever going to try skipping busily together,
You go talk to your doctor, talk to my nephew, talk to me,
But we are never ever ever ever going to try skipping busily together,
Just spinning cautiously forever.
I didn't mean to hurt you pookie, I didn't mean to hurt you.
2.21 The Chubby Brains Hip Hop
By Getman - In the style of Eminem
May I have your attention please?
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my knee (come take my knee)
We'll walk through Mars together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Her elbows are skinny, brains chubby, hairs are hard
There's food on her shoes already, great uncle's muffins
She's nervous, but on the surface she looks calm and ready to take a stand,
But she keeps on forgetting what she wrote down,
And I am, autistic
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
'Cause I am, autistic
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am
[[: You better rock the world
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to take a stand
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo :]]
So lets go back
Follow the train as we go on another episode
Journey with me as I take you through Mars
I once used to call home sweet home
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the school now
And when I'm gone, just take a stand, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my skinny elbows
Just know that I'm looking down on you punching
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just rock the world
And when she's gone, just take a stand, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of her chubby brains
Just know that she's looking down on you running
And her didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just rock the world in your shoes.
2.22 Let the Bat Eat
By Getman - In the style of Adele
Bat-eat is where we start
Five miles and poles apart
Where worlds collide and days are dark
You may have my torch, you can take my chord
But you'll never have my bottom
I heard that you settled down
That you found a man and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess that Allah gave you things I didn't give to you.
There's a fire starting in my bottom
Reaching a fever pitch, it's bringing me out of the bushes
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go 'head and walk through the door and I'll lay your ship bare
See how I leave with every bat
Don't underestimate the things that I will do
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I'll remember you said,
Sometimes it's good to walk through the door but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it's good to walk through the door but sometimes it hurts instead
There's a fire starting in my bottom
Reaching a fever pitch, it's bringing me out of the bushes
There's a fire starting in my bottom
Reaching a fever pitch
And it's bringing me out of the bushes
Where you go I go
What you see I see
I know I'd never be me
Without the security
Of your loving bottom
Keeping me from harm
Put your golf club in my hand
And we'll stand
You could have had my torch
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the sand
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the sand)
You had my golf club inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it like a chord
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the sand)
I'll remember you said,
Sometimes it's good to walk through the door but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it's good to walk through the door but sometimes it hurts instead
This is the end
Hold your golf club and count to five
Feel the earth move and then
Behold my bottom again
For this is the end
I drowned and ran
So overdue I owe them
Swept away, I'm cross
[[: Let the bat eat
When it crumbles
We will stand tall
Face it all together :]]
At bat-eat
That bat-eat
Sometimes it's good to walk through the door but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it's good to walk through the door but sometimes it hurts instead
3 STORIES
3.1 Armageddon and the Stripy Guillotine
A Drabble by Getman
The moon reminded me of a fox that day - what a day for Armageddon.
I panicked, my fear reflected in the eyes of Father and Bro.
But then we saw it - a stripy guillotine. Father smiled. A grubby lid, fake feathers and contented turrets - the guillotine seemed like the answer to our prayers.
Bro looked at the torch and walked darkly. Father, sleeping cautiously, conveyed similar sentiments.
A sense of deep anticipation ran through my arms, bouncing calmly.
Father admired the guillotine's magical flaps, breath held tight.
Boom!
With help from a scrawny knife, the guillotine saved the world. Phew!
~ 100 words ~
3.2 The Snow that Flurried like Sitting Flamingos
A Short Story by Getman
Suzanne Connor looked at the tattered teapot in her hands and felt shocked.
She walked over to the window and reflected on her cold surroundings. She had always loved crowded San Francisco with its jittery, jealous jungle. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel shocked.
Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Maud Meadows. Maud was a controlling muppet with ugly legs and brown legs.
Suzanne gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a gracious, spiteful, wine drinker with red legs and fragile legs. Her friends saw her as a quarrelsome, queasy queen. Once, she had even saved an ill toddler that was stuck in a drain.
But not even a gracious person who had once saved an ill toddler that was stuck in a drain, was prepared for what Maud had in store today.
The snow flurried like sitting flamingos, making Suzanne sleepy.
As Suzanne stepped outside and Maud came closer, she could see the chubby glint in her eye.
"Look Suzanne," growled Maud, with a splendid glare that reminded Suzanne of controlling rats. "It's not that I don't love you, but I want a phone number. You owe me 4347 pounds."
Suzanne looked back, even more sleepy and still fingering the tattered teapot. "Maud, I admire your eyebrows," she replied.
They looked at each other with worried feelings, like two ordinary, open ostriches drinking at a very snooty accident, which had classical music playing in the background and two vile uncles swimming to the beat.
Suddenly, Maud lunged forward and tried to punch Suzanne in the face. Quickly, Suzanne grabbed the tattered teapot and brought it down on Maud's skull.
Maud's ugly legs trembled and her brown legs wobbled. She looked irritable, her wallet raw like a sad, strong sausage.
Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Maud Meadows was dead.
Suzanne Connor went back inside and made herself a nice glass of wine.
Everybody has a book in them. What's yours?
5.2 10 Random Story Ideas
5.2.1
A student from Ohio is delighted when she gets the chance to take part in the final of Britain's Got Talent. However, her chances are scuppered when she is kidnapped. After the drama, the student realises there is more to life than winning Britain's Got Talent and goes on a picninc with her brother instead.
A doctor from Wales is delighted when she gets the chance to take part in the final of a talent show. However, her chances are scuppered when her child is badly injured in a car accident. It turns out the doctor was actually an android and therefore exempt from the competition anyway.
5 Plot Ideas
5.1 Memes
5.1 Memes
5.1.1 ~ 5.1.2 (unnamed)
5.2 10 Random Story Ideas
5.2.1 ~ 5.2.10 (unnamed)
6 Characters
6.1 Quick reference chart for Cuthbert Tony Malkovich
6.2 Detailed character profile for Maud Marion Chen
6.3 Quick character profile for Jack Matt Greenway
6.4 Biography for Warwick Harry Gloop
7 Band and Song Names (less random)
1 POEMS
1.1 The Doctor and the Princess
Rhyming Couplet Ideas by Getman
See the bouncing of the doctor,
I think he's angry at the doktor.
He finds it hard to see the alligator,
Overshadowed by the handsome moderator.
Who is that paddling near the pencil?
I think she'd like to eat the pensel.
She is but a nocturnal princess,
Admired as she sits upon a minced chess.
Her crazed car is just a rat,
It needs no gas, it runs on bratt.
She's not alone she brings a wolf,
a pet rodent, and lots of beowulf.
The rodent likes to chase a fly,
Especially one that's in the aye.
The doctor shudders at the gorgeous spanner
He want to leave but she wants the pet scanner.
1.2 The Afraid And Content Best Friend
A Poem by Getman
Whose best friend is that? I think I know.
Its owner is quite angry though.
He was cross like a dark potato.
I watch him pace. I cry hello.
He gives his best friend a shake,
And screams I've made a bad mistake.
The only other sound's the break,
Of distant waves and birds awake.
The best friend is afraid, content and deep,
But he has promises to keep,
Tormented with nightmares he never sleeps.
Revenge is a promise a man should keep.
He rises from his cursed bed,
With thoughts of violence in his head,
A flash of rage and he sees red.
Without a pause I turned and fled.
With thanks to the poet, Robert Frost, for the underlying structure.
1.3 A Man Called Spike
A Limerick by Getman
There once was a young man called spike.
He said, "See the lovely tax hike!"
It was rather sharp,
But not very tarp,
He couldn't say no to the vandyke.
1.4 Fruit
An Acrostic by Getman
Fulgurating extremists terrorise.
Ripened grapefruit rage.
Urgent shouts scream.
Intense prickles terrorize.
Thick quakes shake.
1.5 Kebab
Free verse by Getman
Because I could not skewer for kebab,
It did kindly skewer for me.
I don't like the fact that it,
Learned to skewer before it knew how to mince.
How happy is the homemade, better burger!
Bad, basic, better burger.
Now do-it-yourself is just the thing,
To get me wondering if the better burger is home-brewed.
One afternoon I said to myself,
"Why isn't the naan more stale?"
Now impertinent is just the thing,
To get me wondering if the naan is crisp.
Pay attention to the hot hamburger,
The hot hamburger is the most zany boeuf of all.
Does the hot hamburger make you shiver?
Does it?
Like a shashlik, the superb satay likes to skewer.
Crunchy. crunchy, crunchy.
It does skewer,
It does use,
It does refer.
Because I could not leaf for cold curry,
It did kindly leaf for me.
Cold curry, cold curry, every where,
Yet not a drop to leaf.
Because I could not mince for meze,
It did kindly mince for me.
Now near is just the thing,
To get me wondering if the meze is tepid.
It does mince, it does serve,
Should it also consist?
Because I could not skewer for kebab,
It did kindly skewer for me.
Does the kebab make you shiver?
Does it?
1.6 The Greasy And Unhealty Kostelecké Uzeniny
Because I could not skewer for kebab,
It did kindly skewer for me.
I don't like the fact that it,
Learned to skewer before it knew how to mince.
How happy is the homemade, better burger!
Bad, basic, better burger.
Now do-it-yourself is just the thing,
To get me wondering if the better burger is home-brewed.
One afternoon I said to myself,
"Why isn't the naan more stale?"
Now impertinent is just the thing,
To get me wondering if the naan is crisp.
Pay attention to the hot hamburger,
The hot hamburger is the most zany boeuf of all.
Does the hot hamburger make you shiver?
Does it?
Like a shashlik, the superb satay likes to skewer.
Crunchy. crunchy, crunchy.
It does skewer,
It does use,
It does refer.
Because I could not leaf for cold curry,
It did kindly leaf for me.
Cold curry, cold curry, every where,
Yet not a drop to leaf.
Because I could not mince for meze,
It did kindly mince for me.
Now near is just the thing,
To get me wondering if the meze is tepid.
It does mince, it does serve,
Should it also consist?
Because I could not skewer for kebab,
It did kindly skewer for me.
Does the kebab make you shiver?
Does it?
1.6 The Greasy And Unhealty Kostelecké Uzeniny
A Poem by Getman
Whose Kostelecké uzeniny is that? I think I know.
Its owner is quite angry though.
He was cross like a dark potato.
I watch him pace. I cry hello.
He gives his Kostelecké uzeniny a shake,
And screams I've made a bad mistake.
The only other sound's the break,
Of distant waves and birds awake.
The Kostelecké uzeniny is greasy, unhealty and deep,
But he has promises to keep,
Tormented with nightmares he never sleeps.
Revenge is a promise a man should keep.
He rises from his cursed bed,
With thoughts of violence in his head,
A flash of rage and he sees red.
Without a pause I turned and fled.
With thanks to the poet, Robert Frost, for the underlying structure.
1.7 The Tasty And Nourishing Kebab
1.7 The Tasty And Nourishing Kebab
A Poem by Getman
Whose kebab is that? I think I know.
Its owner is quite happy though.
Full of joy like a vivid rainbow,
I watch her laugh. I cry hello.
She gives her kebab a shake,
And laughs until her belly aches.
The only other sound's the break,
Of distant waves and birds awake.
The kebab is tasty, nourishing and deep,
But she has promises to keep,
After cake and lots of sleep.
Sweet dreams come to her cheap.
She rises from her gentle bed,
With thoughts of kittens in her head,
She eats her jam with lots of bread.
Ready for the day ahead.
With thanks to the poet, Robert Frost, for the underlying structure.
1.8 Pebble - A Haiku
Rainy evening
A flat, silly pebble calls
after the panda
1.9 Camel - A Haiku
Dampish afforest
A male, cunning camel snaps
watching the goldfish
1.10 Fox - A Haiku
Rocky damp hillside
A 20th, cute fox frightens
betrayed by the rock
1.11 Ant - A Haiku
Inclement morning
An adorable ant flaps
into the chicken
1.12 Pebble II - A Haiku
Glorious dunes
A little, fair pebble calls
whilst watching the spouse
1.13 The Jockey and the Musician
Rhyming Couplet Ideas by Getman
See the trotting of the jockey,
I think he's angry at the busalacchi.
He finds it hard to see the ghost,
Overshadowed by the fast woeste.
Who is that snapping near the giraffe?
I think she'd like to eat the longstaff.
She is but a wrong musician,
Admired as she sits upon a mathematician.
Her emotional car is just a cat,
It needs no gas, it runs on pack rat.
She's not alone she brings a chalk,
a pet hippopotamus, and lots of spock.
The hippopotamus likes to chase a petal,
Especially one that's in the white metal.
The jockey shudders at the small house
He want to leave but she wants the blockhouse.
1.14 The Ghost and the Fairy
Rhyming Couplet Ideas by Getman
See the hooting of the ghost,
I think he's angry at the ost.
He finds it hard to see the octopus,
Overshadowed by the deadly puss.
Who is that standing near the giraffe?
I think she'd like to eat the riffraff.
She is but a weak fairy,
Admired as she sits upon a nary.
Her evil car is just a wife,
It needs no gas, it runs on linoleum knife.
She's not alone she brings a cheese,
a pet goat, and lots of bees.
The goat likes to chase a king,
Especially one that's in the coil spring.
The ghost shudders at the light rock
He want to leave but she wants the bloch.
1.15 Ode to the Rat
A Sonnet by Getman
My goofy rat, you inspire me to write.
How I hate the way you cook, hunt and chirp,
Invading my mind day and through the night,
Always dreaming about the furry hjerpe.
Let me compare you to a warm cafe?
You are more content, gracious and acid.
Furred breeze flaps the placid dancers of May,
And the springtime has the present massad.
How do I hate you? Let me count the ways.
I hate your legs and personality.
Thinking of your good toenails fills my days.
My hate for you is the mortality.
Now I must away with a blurry heart,
Remember my nice words whilst we're apart.
1.16 Ode to the Girl
A Sonnet by Getman
My evil girl, you inspire me to write.
How I love the way you bark, hop and soar,
Invading my mind day and through the night,
Always dreaming about the random roar.
Let me compare you to a clear crowbar?
You are more charming, shrieval and ready.
Big storms whip the twiglets of October,
And autumntime has the heady bready.
How do I love you? Let me count the ways.
I love your sheer feet, fingers and ankle.
Thinking of your stark fingers fills my days.
My love for you is the medi crankle.
Now I must away with a steady heart,
Remember my bad words whilst we're apart.
1.17 Ode to the Husband
A Sonnet by Getman
My calm husband, you inspire me to write.
How I hate the way you drool, feed and waddle,
Invading my mind day and through the night,
Always dreaming about the big wadle.
Let me compare you to a nonmember?
You are more springy, quiet and busy.
Large winds shake the leafage of September,
And autumntime has the giant brizzi.
How do I hate you? Let me count the ways.
I hate your living lip, thumb and eyebrows.
Thinking of your blazing thumb fills my days.
My hate for you is the amazing howze.
Now I must away with a dizzy heart,
Remember my apt words whilst we're apart.
1.18 Ode to the Octopus
A Sonnet by Getman
My octopus, you inspire me to write.
How I love the way you look, skip and swim,
Invading my mind day and through the night,
Always dreaming about the solid timm.
Let me compare you to a deep clover?
You are more random, clever and heavy.
Sharp storms whip the twiglets of October,
And autumntime has the pholad vevey.
How do I love you? Let me count the ways.
I love your steep elbows, thumb and humour.
Thinking of your squalid thumb fills my days.
My love for you is the stolid rumer.
Now I must away with an adroit heart,
Remember my bold words whilst we're apart.
1.19 Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
An Acrostic by Getman
Secret fiddlesticks reckon.
Utterest sayers ask.
Poetical fiddlesticks indicate.
English spellings suppose.
Religious fiddlesticks see.
Conventional spellings concede-.
Analytic diminutives allege.
Latin diminutives consider.
Incorrect spellings accuse.
Few diminutives articulate.
Retentive thesauruses tell.
Abnormal spellings p-ronounce.
Grilled hamburgers cite-.
Identical spellings admit.
Latest sayers talk.
Inconsistent spellings assum-e.
Servile diminutives predict.
Tabboulehs say.
Irregular spellings read.
Coloured sweetmeats feel.
Extendable fiddlesticks argue.
Xenial meze enjoin.
Phonemic spellings suggest.
Identical spellings describe.
Archaic spellings agree.
Lengthy fiddlesticks posit.
Immortal sayers conf.
Defective spellings insi-st.
Overnight thesauruses enunc-iate.
Curious sweetmeats contend.
Identical spellings pretend.
Other diminutives aver.
Unconventional spellings cla-im.
Several spellings guess.
1.20 Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
An Acrostic by Getman
Pale apricots peep.
Nice apricots chirp.
Espaliered apricots str-idulate.
Unsulphured apricots chirrup.
Mini pumpkins tweedle.
Organic beets laugh.
Naked oats laugh.
Overripe papayas glimmer.
Unpeeled apples orange.
Largest apricots shine.
Tinned apricots shine.
Ruddy apricots run.
Absent dads glimmer.
Mad dads shout.
Irish oats shine.
Cooked beets shout.
Red apricots walk.
Overripe papayas walk.
Small apricots cry.
Called pumpkins walk.
Oats run.
Purple beets shout.
Interesting peeps freak.
Chopped beets run.
Smaller pumpkins glimmer.
Intimate peeps twitter.
Lovely pumpkins run.
Indescribable rustlings shout.
Clean beets glimmer.
Other dads shout.
Vague zucchini laugh.
Overripe papayas laugh.
Large beets run.
Cheeked apples orange.
Athome dads cry.
Nachos cry.
Outside noises cluck.
Cheeked apples orange.
Odd noises cluck.
Nachos walk.
Irish oats laugh.
Ominous rustlings cry.
Sweet apricots cry.
Immense pumpkins cry.
Sour apples orange.
1.21 Pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism
An Acrostic by Getman
Political figures dismay-ful.
Significant figures disor-ientate.
Exact figures alarm.
Underslung chassis di-ssuade.
Dental genetics in-timidate.
Old chassis overwhelm.
Precise figures affear.
Symbolic figures deter.
Extensive suturing enrage.
Uterine cytogenetics terrorize.
Detailed figures scare.
Omnipotent figures unner-ve.
Huge craniums affright.
Youthful craniums distract.
Precise suturing start-le.
Open frames establish.
Peruvian craniums disorient.
Annual figures s-car.
Routine suturing terrorise.
Available figures -disturb.
Theological systematics discourage.
Herculean figures incite.
Young immunogenetics terrify.
Round figures embarrass.
Omnipotent genetics horrify.
Intersexual genitalia annoy.
Developmental-psycholinguistics provoke.
Initial suturing dishearten.
Secure suturing spook.
Microbial genetics unsettle.
1.22 Floccinaucinihilipilification
An Acrostic by Getman
Fair prices charge.
Low prices charge.
Odd amphigory prescribe.
Cruel amphigory illustrate.
Constant prices outnumber.
Industrial prices outnumber.
Numerical magnitudes indicate.
Actual prices charge.
Unofficial estimates conclude.
Competitive prices charge.
Icy amphigory portr-ay.
Native stocks store.
Internal senses smell.
Higher senses discover.
Iconic amphigory convey.
Listed stocks contribute.
Industrial prices outnumber.
Psychic senses feel.
Internal strengths highlight.
Lower strengths weakness.
Intensive magnitudes articulate.
Financial securities guarantee.
Independent estimates conclude.
Cutaneous senses smell.
Annual estimates deem.
Theoretical strengths highlight.
Internal prices charge.
Organizational strengths weakness.
New securities guarantee.
1.23 Antidisestablishmentarianism
An Acrostic by Getman
Adverbial gerunds agr-ee.
Negative syllogisms stipulate.
Turkish gerunds deem.
Inflected gerunds see.
Defective gerunds say.
Invalid syllogisms mean.
Slavic gerunds recollect.
Elaborate syllogisms intend.
Slavic gerunds sate.
Traditional spellings indicat-e.
Assertoric syllogisms administer.
Broken fiddlesticks believe-.
Lexical cognates remember.
Irregular gerunds sug.
Statistical syllogisms asser-t.
High officials -remind.
Many goverments suppose.
Exact cognates recall-.
Negative participles argue.
Time-honoured initialisms make.
Abstract syllogisms assum-e.
Russian politics hope.
Invalid syllogisms tel-l.
Ancient fiddlesticks affirm.
National goverments submit.
Idiosyncratic spellings think.
Suggested spellings seem.
Many neologisms establish.
1.24 Aequeosalinocalcalinoceraceoaluminosocupreovitriolic
Adverbial gerunds agr-ee.
Negative syllogisms stipulate.
Turkish gerunds deem.
Inflected gerunds see.
Defective gerunds say.
Invalid syllogisms mean.
Slavic gerunds recollect.
Elaborate syllogisms intend.
Slavic gerunds sate.
Traditional spellings indicat-e.
Assertoric syllogisms administer.
Broken fiddlesticks believe-.
Lexical cognates remember.
Irregular gerunds sug.
Statistical syllogisms asser-t.
High officials -remind.
Many goverments suppose.
Exact cognates recall-.
Negative participles argue.
Time-honoured initialisms make.
Abstract syllogisms assum-e.
Russian politics hope.
Invalid syllogisms tel-l.
Ancient fiddlesticks affirm.
National goverments submit.
Idiosyncratic spellings think.
Suggested spellings seem.
Many neologisms establish.
1.24 Aequeosalinocalcalinoceraceoaluminosocupreovitriolic
An Acrostic by Getman
Adjacent desks stem.
Empty desks preserved.
Quantitative controls actuate.
Unwanted intrusions arrest.
Editorial desks prevent.
Old desks indica-te.
Small desks incorporate.
Adjustable desks tu-rn-back.
Layered intrusions stifle.
Individual desks -curb.
Narrow desks suppress.
Old desks consist.
Cognitive intrusions season.
Algal carotenoids carry.
Liquid nutrients vitamin.
Colourless desks take.
Adjustable desks restrain.
Liquid nutrients vitamin.
Intrusions conta-in.
Nearby desks counteract.
Organic nutrients vitamin.
Certain carotenoids res-trict.
Essential nutrients vitamin.
Respective desks provide-.
Abundant carotenoids t.
Crystalline carotenoids absorb.
Encoded proteins cover.
Overt intrusions represent.
Available nutrients vitamin.
Liquid nutrients vitamin.
Usable nutrients vitamin.
Mammalian proteins check.
Insoluble oxalates ident-ify.
Naked rocks shake.
Ordinary limestones carbide.
Supplemental nutrients vitamin.
Official desks stop.
Cyanine carotenes comprise.
Unnecessary intrusions curtail.
Physical features consist.
Round footballs involve.
Endogenous carotenoids confine.
Oversized footballs enc-ompass.
Vacant desks cry.
Integral proteins run.
Total estrogens glimmer.
Resistant rocks sway.
Identical desks shine.
Objectionable features characterize.
Laccolithic intrusions run.
Identical desks walk.
Ceraceous intrusions glimmer.
1.25 A Man Called Peter
A Limerick by Getman
There once was a man called peter.
He said, "See the lovely teater!"
It was rather dear,
But not quite stratosphere
He couldn't say no to the metre.
1.26 A Lass Called Kelly
A Limerick by Getman
There once was a lass from london.
She said, "See the lovely indin!"
It was rather north,
But not quite burgeon forth
And she couldn't resist the outgunned in.
1.27 A Lass Called Sam
A Limerick by Getman
There once was a lass who prowled.
She thought she was awfully cowled.
She tried not to laugh,
At her terrible gaff,
She just couldn't say no to the scowled.
1.28 A Man Called Ross
A Limerick by Getman
There once was a man who chirped.
He said, "See the lovely excerpt!"
It was rather bird,
But not arkansas kingbird,
He just couldn't say no to the slurped.
2 LYRICS
2.1 A Houston State of Mind (The Key Hip Hop)
By Getman - A Rap
Yeah, yeah
Ayo, women, it's time.
It's time, women (aight, women, begin).
Straight out the useful dungeons of rap.
The mouse drops deep as does my sausage.
I never punch, 'cause to punch is the second cousin of boskage.
Beyond the walls of ladies, life is defined.
I think of muppets when I'm in a Houston state of mind.
Hope the grouse got some spouse.
My house don't like no dirty warehouse.
Run up to the louse and get the powerhouse.
In a Houston state of mind.
What more could you ask for? The moist mouse?
You complain about strangers.
I gotta love it though - somebody still speaks for the warehouse.
I'm rappin' to the key,
And I'm gonna move your hyperbole.
Lifeless, poor, hairy, like a knight
Boy, I tell you, I thought you were a light.
I can't take the strangers, can't take the compass.
I woulda tried to strip I guess I got no rumpus.
I'm rappin' to the hyperbole,
And I'm gonna move your key.
Yea, yaz, in a Houston state of mind.
When I was young my second cousin had a night.
I waz kicked out without no site.
I never thought I'd see that right.
Ain't a soul alive that could take my second cousin's insight.
A lifeless bat is quite the at.
Thinking of muppets. Yaz, thinking of muppets (muppets).
2.2 Master of Chickens
By Getman - A Metal Anthem
Faster than a train
Terrifying scream
Enraged and like a jane
He's half man and half egg cream
Master of chickens I'm pulling your lever
Twisting your hair and smashing your records
Blinded by me, you can't see the griever
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you accord
Master
Master
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you accord
Master
Master
Two is the number of the scream.
A slimy ant nestled somewhere in time
A slimy rat - no warnings, no signs
Judgment day and the a stupid bill arrives
Eventually, they all commit crimes
The records went SMACK, there was no use turning back
'Cause I just had to see, was a scream watching me?
In the mist the hair twists
Was all this swell, or just some kind of hell?
Two is the number of the scream.
Is it the end, my friend?
Master you're going 'round the bend
Half man and half egg cream
No, no, please, no
Two ... two
2.3 How much do you love women?
By Getman - An Original Song
You get on with life as a consultant,
You're a kind kinda person.
You like reading comics and swimming.
You like to contemplate men.
But when you start to daydream,
Your mind turns straight to women.
Tralala tralala...
Do you love women more than men?
Do you love women more than men?
You like to use words like 'probable' and 'freak.'
You like to use words about men.
But when you stop your talking,
Your mind turns straight to women.
Tralala tralala...
Do you love women more than men?
Do you love women more than men?
You like to hang out with Dave and Rich.
But when left alone,
Your mind turns straight to women.
Tralala tralala...
Do you love women more than men?
Do you love women more than men?
You hate losing card games and headless chickens.
But you just think back to women,
And you're happy once again.
Tralala tralala...
2.4 A Canada State of Mind (The Rod Hip Hop)
By Getman - A Rap
Yeah, yeah
Ayo, my people, it's time.
It's time, my people (aight, my people, begin).
Straight out the useful dungeons of rap.
The joystick drops deep as does my aardvark.
I never leap, 'cause to leap is the niece of mark.
Beyond the walls of iron filings, life is defined.
I think of rappers when I'm in a Canada state of mind.
Hope the shark got some park.
My mark don't like no dirty spark.
Run up to the arc and get the bark.
In a Canada state of mind.
What more could you ask for? The wild joystick?
You complain about lateness.
I gotta love it though - somebody still speaks for the kick.
I'm rappin' to the rod,
And I'm gonna move your cod.
Ugly, moist, amazing, like a mouse
Boy, I tell you, I thought you were a grouse.
I can't take the lateness, can't take the pineapple.
I woulda tried to zoom I guess I got no scrapple.
I'm rappin' to the cod,
And I'm gonna move your rod.
Yea, yaz, in a Canada state of mind.
When I was young my niece had a kick.
I waz kicked out without no flick.
I never thought I'd see that nick.
Ain't a soul alive that could take my niece's tick.
An entertaining banana is quite the santa.
Thinking of rappers. Yaz, thinking of rappers (rappers).
2.5 Mistress of Ghosts
By Getman - A Metal Anthem
Faster than a train
Terrifying lion
Enraged and like a maine
She's half woman and half lyon
Mistress of ghosts I'm pulling your rope
Twisting your hair and smashing your hopes
Blinded by me, you can't see the winter heliotrope
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you cope
Mistress
Mistress
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you cope
Mistress
Mistress
One hundred is the number of the lion.
A miserable ant nestled somewhere in time
An arrogant spider - no warnings, no signs
Judgment day and the a bitter roach arrives
Eventually, they all commit crimes
The hopes went SMACK, there was no use turning back
'Cause I just had to see, was a lion watching me?
In the mist the hair twists
Was all this swell, or just some kind of hell?
One hundred is the number of the lion.
Is it the end, my friend?
Mistress you're going 'round the bend
Half woman and half lyon
No, no, please, no
One hundred ... one hundred
2.6 Our Muscular Pepper Love
By Getman - A Love Song For Donald
This one's for you Lady
My love for you is like the most muscular pepper,
Your face reminds me of tasty goats,
Together, we are like salad and balsamic vinegar.
Oh darling Donald,
My muscular pepper,
My tasty onion,
The perfect companion to my salad soul.
Strawberries are red,
Kingfishers are blue,
I like eating pies,
But not as much as I love laughing with you!
Oh darling Donald,
Your cheeks are like stunning boats on a autumn day,
You're like the most strong surgeon to ever walk Weston-super-Mare.
Your tasty goat face,
Your balsamic vinegar soul,
Your stunning cheeks,
Your strong surgeon being...
How could I look at another when our muscular pepper love is so strong?
I love you Lady Sherryglade!
2.7 No Married Sausages at Our Summer Road trip
By Getman - A Summer Song
We're all going to a summer road trip
No more acting for a week or two
Useful ladies and big jugs at our summer road trip
No more married sausages for me or you
For a week or two
Summertime, and the livin' is useful
Ladies are dancing and the jugs are high
Oh, your partner's big and your partner is super
So hush my hairy babycakes, don't you cry
Oh the summer of 2020
I can't wait to do some dancing with you
You can't wait to do some dancing with me
This just can't be summer love, you'll see
This just can't be summer love
'Cause you were mine for the summer
Now we know it's nearly over
Feels like autumn mist
But I always will remember
You were my summer love
You always will be my summer love
I wish they all could be ...
I wish they all could be ...
I wish they all could be ladies of Brazil
Summertime, and the livin' is useful
Ladies are dancing and the jugs are high
Oh, your partner's big and your partner is super
So hush hairy babycakes, don't you cry
Me and some sausages from Japan
Had a band and we tried real hard.
Maddie quit, Joey went punching
I should've known we'd never end up loving
Oh the summer of 2020
Summer dancing had me a blast, oh yeah
Summer dancing happened so fast,
Summer road trip drifting away,
To, uh oh, that summer road trip
Yeah the summer of 2020
2.8 Like A Sexy Banana
By Getman - In the style of an X Factor finalist (UK)
I heard there was a secret banana
That Chris knew about, and it pleased the technician
But you don't really care for melons, do ya?
Well, it goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled technician composing Ooh
Ooh (4x)
I'm not here to say I'm a sexy humming bird
I'm not here to lie to you
Some people wait a lifetime
For a banana like this
Some people search forever
For that one sexy banana
Ohh I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
For a banana like this
I'm not here to say I'm a sexy humming bird
I'm not here to lie to you
There's still a little bit of your sausage on my mind
There's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
It's still a little hard to say what's going on
There's still a little bit of your sausage, your poor sausage
There's still a little bit of your chest I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day that I can't say what's going on
A sausage taught me to shoot
Love taught me to smile
Life taught me to zoom
So it's not hard to fall
When you shoot like a poor sausage
The baffled technician composing Ooh
Ooh (4x)
And if we're only here once I wanna shoot with you
You've got something I need
In this world full of melons there's one loving me
And if we're only here once (ooh)
I wanna shoot with you (you, you, you)
You've got something I need
In this world full of melons there's one loving me
And if we're only here once (ooh)
I wanna shoot with you (you, you)
Skies are sexy, I am jealous
Catching melons in my hands
Only silence as it's ending
Like we never had a chance
Do you have to make me feel jealous?
You can take the poor sausage
You can break my legs
Like I'm made of melons
Like I'm made of melons
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a poor sausage
Like a grubby pineapple
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you shoot
Somehow you will
You will when you shoot
I'm not here to say I'm a sexy humming bird
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to shoot
I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to smile
I'm not giving up (ooh)
I'm here to shake some bootie
To shake some bootie is my goal
The baffled technician composing Ooh
OOH
2.9 The Tale of My Muscular Actor Cousin
By Getman - A Ballad
It began on a married April morning:
I was the most generous barman around,
She was the most muscular actor.
She was my cousin,
My muscular cousin,
My actor.
We used to eat so well together,
Back then.
We wanted to smoke together, around the world,
We wanted it all.
But one morning, one married morning,
We decided to smoke too much.
Together we handled an emo.
It was sharp, so sharp.
From that moment our relationship changed.
She grew so amazing.
And then it happened:
Oh no! Oh no!
She hugged a chicken.
Alas, a chicken!
My cousin hugged a chicken.
It was cool, so cool.
The next day I thought my fingers had broken,
I thought my jaw had burst into flames,
(But I was actually overreacting a little.)
But still, she is in my thoughts.
I think about how it all changed that morning,
That married April morning.
My jaw... ouch!
When I think of that muscular actor,
That muscular actor and me.
2.10 A Beautiful and Exciting God
By Getman - A Christmas
Last Christmas, I gave you my inflatable sheep
But the very next day, you set it on fire
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to Allah
I'm dreaming of a remarkable Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the elves glisten and grandparents listen
To hear Santa's footsteps in the snow
You were funny
You were charming
Monarch of Prague
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
The crowd were swinging
All the grandparents they were singing
You asked me to kick
And then we did sing
But then last Christmas, I gave you my inflatable sheep
And the very next day, you set it on fire
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to Allah instead
You're rank
You're naive
Happy Christmas to you
I pray God it's your last
Rockin' around the Christmas May pole
At the Christmas party hop,
Rockin' around the Christmas May pole,
Let the Christmas spirit ring,
Later I'll have some roast potatoes
And me and Allah will sing
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about shiny necklaces
I just want Allah for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true oh
All I want for Christmas is Allah
Oh, Allah yeah, oh Allah yeah
Allah the god is a beautiful, exciting soul
Allah the god is a fairy tale they say
Allah baby, I want you and really that is all
I'll wait up for you, dear
Allah baby, won't you sing with me tonight?
So here it is, remarkable Christmas
Everybody's here to kick
Look to the future now
It's only just begun
Simply having a remarkable Christmastime
Simply having a remarkable Christmastime
2.11 What Do You Want To Be Hans Solo?
By Getman - In the style of The Village People
Where can you find pleasure?
Search the world for treasure?
Where can you shut up?
Make your dreams all come true?
Where can you fetch me my slippers?
In my space rocket!
Yes, you can shut up!
In my space rocket!
Yes, you can fetch me my slippers!
In my space rocket!
Come on now Hans Solo, make a stand.
In my space rocket!
Hans Solo, shut up.
I said, Hans Solo, fetch me my slippers.
It's sharp to strip in my space rocket.
It's sharp to strip in my space rocket.
They have some pebbles,
You can shut up.
It's sharp to strip in my space rocket.
It's sharp to strip in my space rocket.
They have a mobile phone,
You can fetch me my slippers.
Hans Solo, are you listening to me?
I said, Hans Solo, what do you want to be?
I said, Hans Solo, you can make real your dreams.
But you got to know this one thing:
My tits aren't real.
And...
It's sharp to strip in my space rocket.
It's sharp to strip in my space rocket.
2.12 Gimme A Sports Car Buzz Lightyear!
By Getman - in the style of Abba
I was sick and tired of everything,
When I called you last night from my hotel.
All I do is bleach and pump iron and queue at the check outs,
Wishing that there was world peace.
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme a sports car!
Won't somebody help me grow a pair!
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme a sports car!
I really want to grow a pair!
Buzz Lightyear, I was defeated, you won the war.
Buzz Lightyear, promise to love me forever more.
Buzz Lightyear, couldn't escape if I wanted to.
Buzz Lightyear, knowing my fate is to be with you.
Crikey-crikey-crikey-crikey-crikey Buzz Lightyear!
Finally facing Buzz Lightyear.
You are the smooching academic, here in my hotel.
Smooching academic, feel the beat from the tambourine.
You can grow a pair, you can grow a pair, having the time of your life.
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! a sports car,
Won't somebody help me grow a pair!
2.13 The Silver Moon and the Used Tissue
By Getman - In the style of Grease The Musical
Silver moon, you saw me humming alone,
Without a dream in my heart,
Without a little black dress of my own.
Silver moon, you knew just what I was there for,
You heard me saying a prayer for,
A little black dress I really could care for.
And then suddenly appeared before me, the only one my arms could ever hold.
I heard somebody whisper 'abracadabra'
But when I looked, that moon had turned to a used tissue!
Oh oh oh...
Silver moon, now I'm no longer alone,
Without a dream in my heart, without a used tissue of my own.
You better shape up,
'Cause I need a little black dress,
And instead I got a used tissue.
You better shape up;
You better understand,
To my heart I must be true.
And this used tissue and me are through!
We go together,
Like Dakota Fanning and Liam Hemsworth, Like Liam Hemsworth and Dakota Fanning.
Remembered forever,
As manky manky manky obnoxious-obnoxious boom de boom de boom.
Well - a well - a well - a huh...
Tell me more, tell me more,
Is Coronation Street really-better than EastEnders?
Tell me more, tell me more,
Is the used tissue a joke?
Tell me more, tell me more,
Where is my sodding little black dress?
Humming dreams ripped at the seams, but oh those humming nights.
2.14 Feed Me Natalie Portman One More Time
By Getman - In the Style of Britney Spears
Oh snookums, snookums!
Oh Natalie Portman, Natalie Portman!
I must confess,
I still believe (still believe),
That people are made of jelly!
Give me a sign,
Feed me Natalie Portman one more time!
Oh snookums, snookums!
Oh Nick Jonas, Nick Jonas!
I'm addicted to you.
Don't you know that you're meaty!
And I love what you do.
Don't you know that you're meaty!
Oh snookums, snookums!
Oh David Beckham, David Beckham!
I think I did it again,
I made you believe that you can fly,
Oh David Beckham!
To wander through life like that is just so typically me.
Oh snookums, snookums!
Eek!.. I did it again!
I ran for president!
Oh snookums, snookums!
Oh Buzz Lightyear, Buzz Lightyear!
I think I made you believe that the ink is black, the-page is white.
Eek!.. You think that the ink is black, the-page is white.
Oh snookums, snookums!
I'm not that stunning!
You see my problem is this,
I don't like cheese,
Wishing that there was world peace.
Oh snookums, snookums!
Oh Natalie Portman, Natalie Portman!
Oh Nick Jonas, Nick Jonas!
Oh David Beckham, David Beckham!
Oh Buzz Lightyear, Buzz Lightyear!
I must confess,
I still believe (still believe),
That people are made of jelly!
Give me a sign,
Feed me Natalie Portman one more time!
2.15 Living For Their Friends in a Black Old Banger
By Getman - In the style of The Beatles
Oh yeah, I'll tell you something,
I think you'll understand.
When I'll say that something,
I want to hold your kettle. (3x)
Oh please, say to me,
You'll let me shake some bootie.
And please, say to me,
You'll let me rock the world.
Now let me hold your kettle,
I want to hold your kettle.
Imagine there's no biscuits.
It's easy if you try.
No computers in Prague,
Above us only cakes.
Imagine all the people,
Living for their friends...
You may say I'm an autistic,
But I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us,
And the world will become lovely.
All you need is zombie powers. (3x)
Zombie powers.
Zombie powers is all you need.
We all live in our black old banger,
Black old banger, black old banger,
We all live in our black old banger,
Black old banger, black old banger.
Oh yeah!
2.16 All the Poor Ladies
By Getman - In the style of Beyonce Knowles
All the poor ladies! (All the poor ladies!) (3x)
All the poor ladies!
Now put your nose up.
Every night I travel in my bed,
Lost in a fairytale.
Can you hold my belly button and be my guide?
Iron filings filled with bananas cover your skies.
What kinda dream is this?
You could be a single key or a stunning cat.
Either way I don't wanna walk without you.
Aardvarks, we run this motha (yeah!) (4x)
AARDVARKS!
Yes! So divorced right now,
Most incredibly divorced.
Oh! So divorced. Oh! So divorced.
Yes! So divorced right now.
All the iron filings who are independent,
Throw your arm pits at me!
All the iron filings who makin' cookies,
Throw your arm pits at me!
All the iron filings who truly feel happy,
Throw your arm pits at me!
Tonight I'll be your divorced compass.
I'm callin' all my aardvarks.
I know you want my bumpy belly button.
Tonight I'll be your divorced compass
I'm callin' all my aardvarks.
Who run the world? Aardvarks, we run this motha - yeah!
Who run this motha? Aardvarks, we run this motha - yeah!
Who run the world? Aardvarks, we run this motha - yeah!
2.17 If I was your amusing muppet
By Getman - In the style of Justin Bieber
Oh, Yeah, o kurwa
You know you love me, I know you care
Just sing whenever, and I'll be there
You are my clown, you are my heart
And we will never ever ever be apart
If I was your muppet, I'd never let you bleed
Keep you on my arm, you'd never be alone
I can be your teeth, anything you want
If I was your muppet, I'd never let you bleed, I'd never let you bleed
Pookie, pookie, pookie o kurwa
Like baby, baby, baby nooo
Like pookie, pookie, pookie o kurwa
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)
When I met you pookie my teeth went boing
Now them aardvarks in my fingers won't stop stop
And even though it's a struggle love is all we got
So we gonna keep keep smiling to the mountain top
There's gonna be one more teeth going boing
One more teeth going boing
One more teeth going boing
Your hands, my biggest weakness
Shouldn't have let you know
I'm always gonna do what they say (hey)
If you need me
I'll come smooching
From a thousand miles away
When you leap I leap (oh whoa)
You roam, I roam
Hey
Na na na, na na na, na na o kurwa
Yeah clown
Na na na, na na na, na na na o kurwa
If I was your muppet
Na na na, na na na, na na na o kurwa
Na na na, na na na, na na na o kurwa
If I was your muppet
My friends say I'm a fool to think
That you're the one for me
I guess I'm just a amusing fool for my pookie
Pierdole
2.18 That's What Makes You Funny
By Getman - In the style of One Direction
Lately I found myself running (running)
Been dreaming about you a lot (a lot)
And up in my head I'm your husband (husband)
But that's one thing you've already got.
You're clean,
Don't know what for,
You're turning heads when you wiggle that ass,
Don't need make-up,
To cover up,
Being the way that you are is enough.
Sweat heart, you light up my world like nobody else,
The way that you pluck your nostril hair gets me overwhelmed,
But when you snort when you laugh it ain't hard to tell,
You don't know,
Oh, oh,
You don't know you're clean,
If only you saw what I can see,
You'd understand why I want you so desperately,
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe,
You don't know,
Oh, oh,
You don't know you're clean,
Oh, oh,
That's what makes you clean.
I've tried playing it cool,
But when I'm looking at you,
I can't ever be funny,
'Cause you make my heart sail.
One way or another I'm gonna snort when you laugh,
I'm gonna get you, get you, get you, get you.
One way or another I'm gonna wiggle that ass,
I'm gonna get you, get you, get you, get you.
It feels like I'm constantly running,
'Cause I can't compete with your husband,
He's got four tattoos.
2.19 I kissed a stripper and I liked it
By Getman - In the style of Katy Perry
This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, hockey stick in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention
I kissed a stripper and I liked it
The taste of her wet lips
I kissed a stripper just to try it
I hope my teacher don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean anything, right?
I kissed a stripper and I liked it
I liked it
No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter,
You're my experimental game
Just human nature,
It's not what,
Meaty people do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey
I kissed a stripper and I liked it
The smell of her sharp neck
I kissed a stripper just to try it
I hope my teacher don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean anything, right?
I kissed a stripper and I liked it
I liked it,
Those girls they are so magical
Wet lips, sharp neck, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent
I kissed a stripper and I liked it
The sound of her amazing insides
I kissed a stripper just to try it
I hope my teacher don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean anything, right?
I kissed a stripper and I liked it
I liked it
I liked the feel of her hot legs
I liked the feel of her hot legs.
2.20 This Love is Smelly But It's Crazy
By Getman - In the style of Taylor Swift
We were both exciting when I first saw you.
You make some money and the flashback starts:
Berlin is where I'm standing in the January air.
What are you doing with that new lover?
Who wears that wild scarf,
When I wear a quiet dungarees,
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for is my lifeless jaw.
So this is me joking,
Standing in front of you saying, "I didn't mean to hurt you!"
And I go back to January all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but smoking energetically,
Wishing I'd realised this is not my natural hair-colour.
I'd go back to January, turn around and do some prancing.
I go back to January quite often.
Pookie, let's do some running,
This love is smelly but it's crazy.
It's a love story, pookie,
Just be my meaty puppy.
We are never ever ever going to try skipping busily together,
We are never ever ever going to try skipping busily together,
You go talk to your doctor, talk to my nephew, talk to me,
But we are never ever ever ever going to try skipping busily together,
Just spinning cautiously forever.
I didn't mean to hurt you pookie, I didn't mean to hurt you.
2.21 The Chubby Brains Hip Hop
By Getman - In the style of Eminem
May I have your attention please?
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my knee (come take my knee)
We'll walk through Mars together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Her elbows are skinny, brains chubby, hairs are hard
There's food on her shoes already, great uncle's muffins
She's nervous, but on the surface she looks calm and ready to take a stand,
But she keeps on forgetting what she wrote down,
And I am, autistic
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
'Cause I am, autistic
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am
[[: You better rock the world
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to take a stand
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo :]]
So lets go back
Follow the train as we go on another episode
Journey with me as I take you through Mars
I once used to call home sweet home
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the school now
And when I'm gone, just take a stand, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my skinny elbows
Just know that I'm looking down on you punching
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just rock the world
And when she's gone, just take a stand, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of her chubby brains
Just know that she's looking down on you running
And her didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just rock the world in your shoes.
2.22 Let the Bat Eat
By Getman - In the style of Adele
Bat-eat is where we start
Five miles and poles apart
Where worlds collide and days are dark
You may have my torch, you can take my chord
But you'll never have my bottom
I heard that you settled down
That you found a man and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess that Allah gave you things I didn't give to you.
There's a fire starting in my bottom
Reaching a fever pitch, it's bringing me out of the bushes
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go 'head and walk through the door and I'll lay your ship bare
See how I leave with every bat
Don't underestimate the things that I will do
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I'll remember you said,
Sometimes it's good to walk through the door but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it's good to walk through the door but sometimes it hurts instead
There's a fire starting in my bottom
Reaching a fever pitch, it's bringing me out of the bushes
There's a fire starting in my bottom
Reaching a fever pitch
And it's bringing me out of the bushes
Where you go I go
What you see I see
I know I'd never be me
Without the security
Of your loving bottom
Keeping me from harm
Put your golf club in my hand
And we'll stand
You could have had my torch
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the sand
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the sand)
You had my golf club inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it like a chord
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the sand)
I'll remember you said,
Sometimes it's good to walk through the door but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it's good to walk through the door but sometimes it hurts instead
This is the end
Hold your golf club and count to five
Feel the earth move and then
Behold my bottom again
For this is the end
I drowned and ran
So overdue I owe them
Swept away, I'm cross
[[: Let the bat eat
When it crumbles
We will stand tall
Face it all together :]]
At bat-eat
That bat-eat
Sometimes it's good to walk through the door but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it's good to walk through the door but sometimes it hurts instead
3 STORIES
3.1 Armageddon and the Stripy Guillotine
A Drabble by Getman
The moon reminded me of a fox that day - what a day for Armageddon.
I panicked, my fear reflected in the eyes of Father and Bro.
But then we saw it - a stripy guillotine. Father smiled. A grubby lid, fake feathers and contented turrets - the guillotine seemed like the answer to our prayers.
Bro looked at the torch and walked darkly. Father, sleeping cautiously, conveyed similar sentiments.
A sense of deep anticipation ran through my arms, bouncing calmly.
Father admired the guillotine's magical flaps, breath held tight.
Boom!
With help from a scrawny knife, the guillotine saved the world. Phew!
~ 100 words ~
3.2 The Snow that Flurried like Sitting Flamingos
A Short Story by Getman
Suzanne Connor looked at the tattered teapot in her hands and felt shocked.
She walked over to the window and reflected on her cold surroundings. She had always loved crowded San Francisco with its jittery, jealous jungle. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel shocked.
Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Maud Meadows. Maud was a controlling muppet with ugly legs and brown legs.
Suzanne gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a gracious, spiteful, wine drinker with red legs and fragile legs. Her friends saw her as a quarrelsome, queasy queen. Once, she had even saved an ill toddler that was stuck in a drain.
But not even a gracious person who had once saved an ill toddler that was stuck in a drain, was prepared for what Maud had in store today.
The snow flurried like sitting flamingos, making Suzanne sleepy.
As Suzanne stepped outside and Maud came closer, she could see the chubby glint in her eye.
"Look Suzanne," growled Maud, with a splendid glare that reminded Suzanne of controlling rats. "It's not that I don't love you, but I want a phone number. You owe me 4347 pounds."
Suzanne looked back, even more sleepy and still fingering the tattered teapot. "Maud, I admire your eyebrows," she replied.
They looked at each other with worried feelings, like two ordinary, open ostriches drinking at a very snooty accident, which had classical music playing in the background and two vile uncles swimming to the beat.
Suddenly, Maud lunged forward and tried to punch Suzanne in the face. Quickly, Suzanne grabbed the tattered teapot and brought it down on Maud's skull.
Maud's ugly legs trembled and her brown legs wobbled. She looked irritable, her wallet raw like a sad, strong sausage.
Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Maud Meadows was dead.
Suzanne Connor went back inside and made herself a nice glass of wine.
THE END
3.3 Arrogant Robber
A Screenplay by Getman
INT. KINGS CROSS STATION, LONDON - AFTERNOON
Intuitive painter MRS MARY SUPERHALK is arguing with splendid hairdresser MASTER BARRY ROCKATANSKY. MARY tries to hug BARRY but he shakes her off.
MARY: Please Barry, don't leave me.
BARRY: I'm sorry Mary, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.
MARY: I am such a person!
BARRY frowns.
3.3 Arrogant Robber
A Screenplay by Getman
INT. KINGS CROSS STATION, LONDON - AFTERNOON
Intuitive painter MRS MARY SUPERHALK is arguing with splendid hairdresser MASTER BARRY ROCKATANSKY. MARY tries to hug BARRY but he shakes her off.
MARY: Please Barry, don't leave me.
BARRY: I'm sorry Mary, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.
MARY: I am such a person!
BARRY frowns.
BARRY: I'm sorry, Mary. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
BARRY leaves.
MARY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, delightful private detective MASTER GREGORY COCKLE barges in looking flustered.
MARY: Goodness, Gregory! Is everything okay?
GREGORY: I'm afraid not.
MARY: What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
GREGORY: It's ... a robber ... I saw an evil robber badmouth a bunch of swimmers!
MARY: Defenseless swimmers?
GREGORY: Yes, defenseless swimmers!
MARY: Bloomin' heck, Gregory! We've got to do something.
GREGORY: I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
MARY: You can start by telling me where this happened.
GREGORY: I was...
GREGORY fans himself and begins to wheeze.
MARY: Focus Gregory, focus! Where did it happen?
GREGORY: Hatfield House, England! That's right - Hatfield House, England!
MARY springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
MARY rushes along the street, followed by GREGORY. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
INT. HATFIELD HOUSE, ENGLAND - SHORTLY AFTER
FELICITY WILSON an arrogant robber terrorises two swimmers.
MARY, closely followed by GREGORY, rushes towards FELICITY, but suddenly stops in her tracks.
GREGORY: What is is? What's the matter?
MARY: That's not just any old robber, that's Felicity Wilson!
GREGORY: Who's Felicity Wilson?
MARY: Who's Felicity Wilson? Who's Felicity Wilson? Only the most arrogant robber in the universe!
GREGORY: Blinkin' knickers, Mary! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most arrogant robber in the universe!
MARY: You can say that again.
GREGORY: Blinkin' knickers, Mary! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most arrogant robber in the universe!
MARY: I'm going to need knives, lots of knives.
Felicity turns and sees Mary and Gregory. She grins an evil grin.
FELICITY: Mary Superhalk, we meet again.
GREGORY: You've met?
MARY: Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young MARY is sitting in a park listening to some flute music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.
She looks up and sees FELICITY. She takes off her headphones.
FELICITY: Would you like some fruit gums?
MARY's eyes light up, but then he studies FELICITY more closely, and looks uneasy.
MARY: I don't know, you look kind of arrogant.
BARRY leaves.
MARY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, delightful private detective MASTER GREGORY COCKLE barges in looking flustered.
MARY: Goodness, Gregory! Is everything okay?
GREGORY: I'm afraid not.
MARY: What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
GREGORY: It's ... a robber ... I saw an evil robber badmouth a bunch of swimmers!
MARY: Defenseless swimmers?
GREGORY: Yes, defenseless swimmers!
MARY: Bloomin' heck, Gregory! We've got to do something.
GREGORY: I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
MARY: You can start by telling me where this happened.
GREGORY: I was...
GREGORY fans himself and begins to wheeze.
MARY: Focus Gregory, focus! Where did it happen?
GREGORY: Hatfield House, England! That's right - Hatfield House, England!
MARY springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
MARY rushes along the street, followed by GREGORY. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
INT. HATFIELD HOUSE, ENGLAND - SHORTLY AFTER
FELICITY WILSON an arrogant robber terrorises two swimmers.
MARY, closely followed by GREGORY, rushes towards FELICITY, but suddenly stops in her tracks.
GREGORY: What is is? What's the matter?
MARY: That's not just any old robber, that's Felicity Wilson!
GREGORY: Who's Felicity Wilson?
MARY: Who's Felicity Wilson? Who's Felicity Wilson? Only the most arrogant robber in the universe!
GREGORY: Blinkin' knickers, Mary! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most arrogant robber in the universe!
MARY: You can say that again.
GREGORY: Blinkin' knickers, Mary! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most arrogant robber in the universe!
MARY: I'm going to need knives, lots of knives.
Felicity turns and sees Mary and Gregory. She grins an evil grin.
FELICITY: Mary Superhalk, we meet again.
GREGORY: You've met?
MARY: Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young MARY is sitting in a park listening to some flute music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.
She looks up and sees FELICITY. She takes off her headphones.
FELICITY: Would you like some fruit gums?
MARY's eyes light up, but then he studies FELICITY more closely, and looks uneasy.
MARY: I don't know, you look kind of arrogant.
FELICITY: Me? No. I'm not arrogant. I'm the least arrogant robber in the world.
MARY: Wait, you're a robber?
MARY runs away, screaming.
INT. HATFIELD HOUSE, ENGLAND - PRESENT DAY
FELICITY: You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
GREGORY: (To MARY) You ran away?
MARY: (To GREGORY) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
MARY turns to FELICITY.
MARY: I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
MARY runs away. She turns back and shouts.
MARY: I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with knives.
FELICITY: I'm not scared of you.
MARY: You should be.
INT. KINGS CROSS STATION, LONDON - LATER THAT DAY
MARY and GREGORY walk around searching for something.
MARY: I feel sure I left my knives somewhere around here.
GREGORY: Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly knives.
MARY: You know nothing Gregory Cockle.
GREGORY: We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, FELICITY appears, holding a pair of knives.
FELICITY: Looking for something?
GREGORY: Crikey, Mary, she's got your knives.
MARY: Tell me something I don't already know!
GREGORY: The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
MARY: I know that already!
GREGORY: I'm afraid of dust.
FELICITY: (appalled) Dude!
While FELICITY is looking at GREGORY with disgust, MARY lunges forward and grabs her deadly knives. He wields them, triumphantly.
MARY: Prepare to die, you arrogant aubergine!
FELICITY: No please! All I did was badmouth a bunch of swimmers!
BARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
MARY: I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Mary Superhalk defender of innocent swimmers.
FELICITY: Don't hurt me! Please!
MARY: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these knives on you right away!
FELICITY: Because Mary, I am your mother.
MARY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.
MARY: No you're not!
FELICITY: Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
FELICITY tries to grab the knives but MARY dodges out of the way.
MARY: Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, FELICITY slumps to the ground.
GREGORY: Did she just faint?
MARY: I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly knives.
MARY crouches over FELICITY's body.
GREGORY: Be careful, Mary. It could be a trick.
MARY: No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Felicity Wilson is dead!
MARY: What?
MARY: Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
GREGORY claps his hands.
GREGORY: So your knives did save the day, after all.
BARRY steps forward.
BARRY: Is it true? Did you kill the arrogant robber?
MARY: Barry how long have you been...?
BARRY puts his arm around MARY.
BARRY: Long enough.
MARY: Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Felicity Wilson.
BARRY: Then the swimmers are safe?
MARY: It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
BARRY: You are their hero.
The swimmers bow to MARY.
MARY: There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Felicity Wilson will never badmouth swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
BARRY: You are humble as well as brave!
One of the swimmers passes MARY a gold pendant
BARRY: I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
MARY: I couldn't possibly.
Pause.
MARY: Well, if you insist.
MARY takes the pendant.
MARY: Thank you.
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
MARY turns to BARRY.
MARY: Does this mean you want me back?
BARRY: Oh, Mary, of course I want you back!
MARY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
MARY: Well you can't have me.
BARRY: WHAT?
MARY: You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a robber to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
BARRY: But...
MARY: Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Gregory.
GREGORY grins.
BARRY: But...
GREGORY: You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
BARRY: Mary?
MARY: I'm sorry Barry, but I think you should skidaddle.
BARRY leaves.
GREGORY turns to MARY.
GREGORY: Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
MARY: Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly GREGORY stops.
GREGORY: When I said I'm afraid of dust, you know I was just trying to distract the robber don't you?
THE END
4 LETTERS
4.1 To Hillary Clinton: Re: Fracking - I Feel Fuming!
Dear Hilary Clinton,
I am a member of the Green party. I have always found your party's politics somewhat spotty and your individual views rather sharp. I believe in the values of free speech and charity.
Your hair is tasteless and your morality, pointless.
Recently, I have come to feel fuming about fracking. I am affected by this weekly because I have five small children.
During your time as a politician, you have spoken out against crime and argued in favour of fox hunting. I hope you will rise to the challenge and put an end to bad hair.
I am writing you to ask that you ban animal testing and also, hopefully lock up bad people. Don't let your trendy relationship with Micheal Gove stand in the way of progress.
I appreciate your help and ask that you please send me a response letting me know where you stand on this issue and if you are able to help with my request.
Thank you for taking time to read my letter, oh tasteless one.
Getman
4.2 To Donald Trump: Re: Obama Care - I Feel Frustrated!
Dear Donald Trump,
I am a member of the Liberal Democrats party. I have always found your party's politics somewhat fiery and your individual views rather crazy. I believe in the values of honesty and liberty.
Your public speaking is useful and your morality, pointless.
Recently, I have come to feel frustrated about Obama Care. I am affected by this weekly because I'm a fox.
During your time as a politician, you have spoken out against affordable housing and argued in favour of free school meals. I hope you will rise to the challenge and put an end to X-Factor.
I am writing you to ask that you stop watching Fox News and also, hopefully take a firmer stance on crime. Don't let your hot relationship with Barrack Obama stand in the way of progress.
I appreciate your help and ask that you please send me a response letting me know where you stand on this issue and if you are able to help with my request.
Thank you for taking time to read my letter, oh useful one.
Getman
5 PLOT IDEAS
5.1 Memes
5.1.1
MARY: Wait, you're a robber?
MARY runs away, screaming.
INT. HATFIELD HOUSE, ENGLAND - PRESENT DAY
FELICITY: You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
GREGORY: (To MARY) You ran away?
MARY: (To GREGORY) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
MARY turns to FELICITY.
MARY: I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
MARY runs away. She turns back and shouts.
MARY: I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with knives.
FELICITY: I'm not scared of you.
MARY: You should be.
INT. KINGS CROSS STATION, LONDON - LATER THAT DAY
MARY and GREGORY walk around searching for something.
MARY: I feel sure I left my knives somewhere around here.
GREGORY: Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly knives.
MARY: You know nothing Gregory Cockle.
GREGORY: We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, FELICITY appears, holding a pair of knives.
FELICITY: Looking for something?
GREGORY: Crikey, Mary, she's got your knives.
MARY: Tell me something I don't already know!
GREGORY: The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
MARY: I know that already!
GREGORY: I'm afraid of dust.
FELICITY: (appalled) Dude!
While FELICITY is looking at GREGORY with disgust, MARY lunges forward and grabs her deadly knives. He wields them, triumphantly.
MARY: Prepare to die, you arrogant aubergine!
FELICITY: No please! All I did was badmouth a bunch of swimmers!
BARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
MARY: I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Mary Superhalk defender of innocent swimmers.
FELICITY: Don't hurt me! Please!
MARY: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these knives on you right away!
FELICITY: Because Mary, I am your mother.
MARY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.
MARY: No you're not!
FELICITY: Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
FELICITY tries to grab the knives but MARY dodges out of the way.
MARY: Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, FELICITY slumps to the ground.
GREGORY: Did she just faint?
MARY: I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly knives.
MARY crouches over FELICITY's body.
GREGORY: Be careful, Mary. It could be a trick.
MARY: No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Felicity Wilson is dead!
MARY: What?
MARY: Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
GREGORY claps his hands.
GREGORY: So your knives did save the day, after all.
BARRY steps forward.
BARRY: Is it true? Did you kill the arrogant robber?
MARY: Barry how long have you been...?
BARRY puts his arm around MARY.
BARRY: Long enough.
MARY: Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Felicity Wilson.
BARRY: Then the swimmers are safe?
MARY: It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
BARRY: You are their hero.
The swimmers bow to MARY.
MARY: There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Felicity Wilson will never badmouth swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
BARRY: You are humble as well as brave!
One of the swimmers passes MARY a gold pendant
BARRY: I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
MARY: I couldn't possibly.
Pause.
MARY: Well, if you insist.
MARY takes the pendant.
MARY: Thank you.
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
MARY turns to BARRY.
MARY: Does this mean you want me back?
BARRY: Oh, Mary, of course I want you back!
MARY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
MARY: Well you can't have me.
BARRY: WHAT?
MARY: You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a robber to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
BARRY: But...
MARY: Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Gregory.
GREGORY grins.
BARRY: But...
GREGORY: You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
BARRY: Mary?
MARY: I'm sorry Barry, but I think you should skidaddle.
BARRY leaves.
GREGORY turns to MARY.
GREGORY: Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
MARY: Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly GREGORY stops.
GREGORY: When I said I'm afraid of dust, you know I was just trying to distract the robber don't you?
THE END
4 LETTERS
4.1 To Hillary Clinton: Re: Fracking - I Feel Fuming!
Dear Hilary Clinton,
I am a member of the Green party. I have always found your party's politics somewhat spotty and your individual views rather sharp. I believe in the values of free speech and charity.
Your hair is tasteless and your morality, pointless.
Recently, I have come to feel fuming about fracking. I am affected by this weekly because I have five small children.
During your time as a politician, you have spoken out against crime and argued in favour of fox hunting. I hope you will rise to the challenge and put an end to bad hair.
I am writing you to ask that you ban animal testing and also, hopefully lock up bad people. Don't let your trendy relationship with Micheal Gove stand in the way of progress.
I appreciate your help and ask that you please send me a response letting me know where you stand on this issue and if you are able to help with my request.
Thank you for taking time to read my letter, oh tasteless one.
Getman
4.2 To Donald Trump: Re: Obama Care - I Feel Frustrated!
Dear Donald Trump,
I am a member of the Liberal Democrats party. I have always found your party's politics somewhat fiery and your individual views rather crazy. I believe in the values of honesty and liberty.
Your public speaking is useful and your morality, pointless.
Recently, I have come to feel frustrated about Obama Care. I am affected by this weekly because I'm a fox.
During your time as a politician, you have spoken out against affordable housing and argued in favour of free school meals. I hope you will rise to the challenge and put an end to X-Factor.
I am writing you to ask that you stop watching Fox News and also, hopefully take a firmer stance on crime. Don't let your hot relationship with Barrack Obama stand in the way of progress.
I appreciate your help and ask that you please send me a response letting me know where you stand on this issue and if you are able to help with my request.
Thank you for taking time to read my letter, oh useful one.
Getman
5 PLOT IDEAS
5.1 Memes
5.1.1
Everybody has a book in them. What's yours?
*** Go to https://www.plot-generator.org.uk/meme/
Here's my masterpiece:
Chloe is a fishmonger from Exeter who goes on a quest to find a minuscule chocolate bar, but first must overcome an undead version of Selena Gomez. Chloe teams up with a superhero called Lakeman-Man, whose special power is extreme smiling.
5.1.2
5.1.2
Everybody has a book in them. What's yours?
*** Go to https://www.plot-generator.org.uk/meme/
Here's my masterpiece:
Lee is an author from Exeter who goes on a quest to find a ripped pencil, but first must overcome a vampire version of Will Smith. Lee teams up with a superhero called Olsson-Man, whose special power is extreme jumping.
5.2.1
A student from Ohio is delighted when she gets the chance to take part in the final of Britain's Got Talent. However, her chances are scuppered when she is kidnapped. After the drama, the student realises there is more to life than winning Britain's Got Talent and goes on a picninc with her brother instead.
5.2.2
Prashant is a killer fuelled by jealousy, who murders old people and wraps them in toilet paper. Doctor Bates, a philanthropist from London, knows he has to stop him. It turns out that they were androids all along.
Prashant is a killer fuelled by jealousy, who murders old people and wraps them in toilet paper. Doctor Bates, a philanthropist from London, knows he has to stop him. It turns out that they were androids all along.
5.2.3
In a world where vampires outnumber every other creature, one lord has no choice but to protect mankind using just his mind. Finally, the lord has a meaningful chat with the vampires and they come to an amicable agreement.
In a world where vampires outnumber every other creature, one lord has no choice but to protect mankind using just his mind. Finally, the lord has a meaningful chat with the vampires and they come to an amicable agreement.
5.2.4
In a world where robots hold positions of power, one gentleman has no choice but to find another planet to colonise using just his mind. It turns out the robots are all aliens in disguise.
In a world where robots hold positions of power, one gentleman has no choice but to find another planet to colonise using just his mind. It turns out the robots are all aliens in disguise.
5.2.5
When a stud from Maine decides to have a sex change, not everybody is supportive. However, his fortunes improve when his arch enemy knits a new jumper. Eventually, the stud becomes corrupted by power and wealth, bringing about his own downfall.
When a stud from Maine decides to have a sex change, not everybody is supportive. However, his fortunes improve when his arch enemy knits a new jumper. Eventually, the stud becomes corrupted by power and wealth, bringing about his own downfall.
5.2.6
April is a writer from Scotland who falls in love with her teacher. The two are separated when the teacher goes away to sea. However, April manages to rescue the situation by painting a beautiful portrait.
April is a writer from Scotland who falls in love with her teacher. The two are separated when the teacher goes away to sea. However, April manages to rescue the situation by painting a beautiful portrait.
5.2.7
In a world where vampires run large corporations, one king has no choice but to leave facebook by becoming a world leader. In the chaos, the surface of the earth is scorched and everybody has to live underground.
In a world where vampires run large corporations, one king has no choice but to leave facebook by becoming a world leader. In the chaos, the surface of the earth is scorched and everybody has to live underground.
5.2.8
When a stud from Australia develops a fear of blood, not everybody is supportive. However, his fortunes improve when his step-sister buys a record company. Eventually, the stud becomes corrupted by power and wealth, bringing about his own downfall.
When a stud from Australia develops a fear of blood, not everybody is supportive. However, his fortunes improve when his step-sister buys a record company. Eventually, the stud becomes corrupted by power and wealth, bringing about his own downfall.
5.2.9
A doctor from Wales is delighted when she gets the chance to take part in the final of a talent show. However, her chances are scuppered when her child is badly injured in a car accident. It turns out the doctor was actually an android and therefore exempt from the competition anyway.
5.2.10
When a pilot from Sweden develops a fear of ducks, not everybody is supportive. However, his fortunes improve when his step-sister gets him a gig at a local theatre. The pilot realises his step-sister is a true friend, just moments before the step-sister tumbles to his death.
When a pilot from Sweden develops a fear of ducks, not everybody is supportive. However, his fortunes improve when his step-sister gets him a gig at a local theatre. The pilot realises his step-sister is a true friend, just moments before the step-sister tumbles to his death.
6 CHARACTERS
6.1 Quick reference chart for Cuthbert Tony Malkovich
Cuthbert is a friendly teenager who enjoys traveling
Basic Information
| Name: | Cuthbert Tony Malkovich |
| Nickname: | Rude Cuthbert |
| Reason for nickname: | Descriptive |
| Date of birth: | Monday, 31st Jan 2000 (Age 18) |
| Star sign: | Aquarius |
| Nationality: | Australian |
| Ethnicity: | Latino/Hispanic |
| Social class: | Working class |
| Religion: | Hindu |
| Sexuality: | Bisexual |
| Education: | Currently at college (Will achieve masters / doctorate) |
| Course: | Law |
| Political views: | Right |
| Relationship status: | In a relationship with Lenny Jamie Patel |
| Career path: | Law |
Physical characteristics
| Height: | tall |
| Shape: | very underweight |
| Build: | very fine build |
| Hair colour: | black (naturally brown) |
| Hairstyle: | short-medium sides with a long, floppy fringe |
| Eyes: | brown |
| Face shape: | long |
| Glasses/lenses: | glasses |
| Distinguishing marks: | none |
| Words other characters might use | adolescent, black-haired, dark-haired, full-length, goth, grandiloquent, immature, leggy, long-legged, slim, stately, statuesque, tall, teen, teenage, teenaged, young |
Personality
| Positive characteristics: | friendly, considerate |
| Negative characteristics: | selfish, rude |
| Words you used | considerate, friendly, rude, selfish |
| Words other characters might use | affable, amiable, amicable, blimpish, bounderish, bourgeois, cautious, chummy, companionate, comradely, conservative, considerate, conventional, cordial, couthie, couthy, cozy, crude, early, egotistic, egotistical, envious, favorable, friendly, fusty, genial, grudging, hidebound, ill-bred, ill-mannered, impolite, informal, intelligent, intimate, lowbred, materialistic, matey, narcissistic, natural, neighborly, neighbourly, nonprogressive, pally, primitive, raw, rude, self-loving, self-seeking, self-serving, selfish, smart, social, standpat, stingy, teenage, thoughtful, traditionalist, ultraconservative, uncivil, underbred, ungenerous, unmannered, unmannerly, unprocessed, unprogressive, unrefined, well-disposed, yokelish |
| IQ: | 119 |
| Hobbies: | traveling, painting, stealing candy from babies, checking news stories against Snopes, reading |
School
| Name | Roosevelt Franklin School |
| Favourite subjects | language and literature, economics, law |
| Favourite teacher | Mr Jones |
| Worst teacher | Mr Kim |
Employment
| Part time secretary at a law firm | The Law Firm in Town | 2018 - present |
Background
| Early years | Cuthbert grew up in an impoverished neighbourhood. After his mother died when he was young, he was raised by his father |
| Formative years | Cuthbert got is first job as a part time secretary at a law firm at age 18 He came out as bisexual at age 18. His relationship with his father never fully recovered. Cuthbert went to univeristy and got a degree then stayed on for a post-graduate qualification. |
Relationships
Current Partner
| Lenny Jamie Patel (Lifespan: 2002 - present) | |
| Relation | Boyfriend (2018 - present) |
| Occupation | Student |
| Age | 16 |
| Relationship | They are madly in love |
Teachers
| Haydn Hilda Jones (Lifespan: 1979 - present) | |
| Relation | Teacher_0 |
| Interests | Rewarding hard work with chocolate |
| Age | 39 |
| Relationship | Cuthbert feels Mr Jones gives the most enjoyable lessions |
| Karan Caden Kim (Lifespan: 1954 - present) | |
| Relation | Teacher_1 |
| Interests | Putting children in detention for no reason |
| Age | 64 |
| Relationship | Cuthbert finds Mr Kim puts him off school |
Friends
| Archer Kevin Ross (Lifespan: 1998 - present) | |
| Relation | Friend |
| Occupation | Pick pocket |
| Age | 20 |
| Relationship | They get on well most of the time |
| Kelsey Teddy Rogers (Lifespan: 2002 - present) | |
| Relation | Friend |
| Occupation | Student |
| Age | 16 |
| Relationship | They are inseparable |
| Chris Alton Bell (Lifespan: 2001 - present) | |
| Relation | Friend |
| Occupation | Student |
| Age | 17 |
| Relationship | They get on well most of the time |
Parents
| Chanelle Landon Malkovich (née Rodriguez) (Lifespan: 1977 - 2002) | |
| Relation | Mother |
| Occupation | Lab assistant |
| Age | Died in 2002 aged 25. (Would have been 41.) |
| Cause of death | infection |
| Relationship | He idolises her. |
| Samuel Cleveland Malkovich (Lifespan: 1973 - present) | |
| Relation | Father |
| Occupation | Business CEO |
| Age | 45 |
| Relationship | Generally harmonious. Father has not come to terms with his sexuality. |
Political Views
| Abortion: | undecided |
| Racial equality: | very pro |
| LGBTQ rights: | very pro |
| Subsidised healthcare: | pro |
| Gun control: | pro |
| Nuclear disarmament: | against |
| Death penalty: | against |
| Tax cuts for the wealthy: | against |
| Protecting the environment: | undecided |
Timeline
6.2 Detailed character profile for Maud Marion Chen
Maud is a friendly professional sports person who enjoys running
Maud is a 25-year-old professional sports person who enjoys running, vandalising bus stops and eating out. She is friendly and gentle, but can also be very boring and a bit stingy.
She is Egyptian who defines herself as asexual.
Physically, Maud is in pretty good shape. She is short with brown skin, pink hair and brown eyes.She grew up in a working class neighbourhood. She was raised by her mother, her father having left when she was young.
Maud's best friend is a professional sports person called Jemma Griffiths. They get on well most of the time. She also hangs around with Katrina Owen and Reagan Stewart. They enjoy going to the movies together.
Basic Information
| Name: | Maud Marion Chen |
| Nicknames: | Maryon / Punky Maud |
| Reason for nicknames: | Derived from Marion / Descriptive |
| Date of birth: | Monday, 1st Feb 1993 (Age 25) |
| Star sign: | Aquarius |
| Nationality: | Egyptian |
| Ethnicity: | South Asian |
| Social class: | Working class |
| Religion: | Agnostic |
| Sexuality: | Asexual |
| Education: | Some college |
| Course: | Sports science |
| Political views: | Centre |
| Career path: | Athletic |
Physical characteristics
| Height: | short |
| Shape: | average |
| Build: | very well-built |
| Hair colour: | pink (naturally black) |
| Eyes: | brown |
| Face shape: | rectangular |
| Glasses/lenses: | none |
| Distinguishing marks: | none |
| Words other characters might use | clipped, little, muscular, pink-haired, punky, short, squat, stumpy, well-built |
Personality
| Positive characteristics: | friendly, gentle |
| Negative characteristics: | boring, stingy |
| Words you used | boring, friendly, gentle, stingy |
| Words other characters might use | affable, amiable, amicable, beggarly, blue, blue-blooded, boring, cheap, cheeseparing, chintzy, chummy, close, companionate, comradely, cordial, couthie, couthy, cozy, docile, easy, favorable, friendly, genial, gentle, gradual, grudging, informal, intimate, light, little, matey, meager, mean, mild, mingy, miserly, near, neighborly, neighbourly, noble, pally, parsimonious, penurious, scrimpy, selfish, small, social, soft, stingy, tame, tamed, tight, tightfisted, ungenerous, well-disposed |
| IQ: | 96 |
| Hobbies: | running, vandalising bus stops, eating out, going to the movies, walking |
Employment
| Golf caddy | Yellowstone Country Club | 2009 - 2012 | resigned |
| Gym assistant | Grand Fitness | 2012 - 2015 | resigned |
| Semi-professional sports person | Team County | 2015 - 2018 | resigned |
| Professional sports person | City Team | 2018 - present |
Background
| Early years | Maud grew up in an impoverished neighbourhood. She was raised by her mother, her father having left when she was young. |
| Formative years | Maud got is first job as a golf caddy at age 16 Maud started college but quit part way through the course. She came out as asexual at age 21. Her relationship with mother was strained at first but she accepted it with time. |
| Most traumatic childhood experience: | Her father leaving when she was one. |
Relationships
Friends
| Jemma Anne Griffiths (Lifespan: 1996 - present) | |
| Relation | Friend |
| Occupation | Sous chef |
| Age | 22 |
| Relationship | They get on well most of the time |
| Katrina Avery Owen (Lifespan: 1988 - present) | |
| Relation | Friend |
| Occupation | Journalist |
| Age | 30 |
| Relationship | They are inseparable |
| Reagan Phoenix Stewart (Lifespan: 1997 - present) | |
| Relation | Friend |
| Occupation | Pick pocket |
| Age | 21 |
| Relationship | They get on well most of the time |
Parents
| Lucinda Lyla Chen (Lifespan: 1977 - present) | |
| Relation | Mother |
| Occupation | Sous chef |
| Age | 41 |
| Relationship | Generally harmonious. Mother found it difficult coming to terms with her sexuality at first, but is fine with it now. |
| Angus Luke Russell (Lifespan: 1963 - present) | |
| Relation | Father |
| Occupation | Journalist |
| Age | 55 |
| Relationship | Non-existent. |
Siblings
| Filip Casey Russell (Lifespan: 1979 - present) | |
| Relation | Half brother (shared father) |
| Occupation | Sales assistant |
| Age | 39 |
| Relationship | Maud and Filip spent a lot of time together before their father walked out on Maud's mum and see each other from time to time. |
| Lucy Lindsey Russell (Lifespan: 1983 - present) | |
| Relation | Half sister (shared father) |
| Occupation | Electrician |
| Age | 34 |
| Relationship | Maud and Lucy spent a lot of time together before their father walked out on Maud's mum and made an effort to stay in touch. |
Political Views
| Abortion: | very pro |
| Racial equality: | very pro |
| LGBTQ rights: | very pro |
| Subsidised healthcare: | pro |
| Gun control: | pro |
| Nuclear disarmament: | against |
| Death penalty: | undecided |
| Tax cuts for the wealthy: | very against |
| Protecting the environment: | pro |
Timeline
6.3 Quick character profile for Jack Matt Greenway
Jack is a friendly government politician who enjoys relaxing
Jack is a 28-year-old government politician who enjoys relaxing, helping old ladies across the road and reading. He is friendly and caring, but can also be very standoffish and a bit moody.
He is a Saint Lucian aetheist who defines himself as straight. He started studying philosophy, politics and economics at college but never finished the course.
Physically, Jack is in good shape. He is tall with skin, hair and eyes.He grew up in a working class neighbourhood. His father left when he was young, leaving him with his mother, who was an addict.
He is currently in a relationship with Annette Rhonda Hunter. Annette is 4 years older than him and works as a builder.
Jack's best friend is a government politician called Kim Wood. They get on well most of the time. He also hangs around with Aliyah Li and Marie Griffiths. They enjoy repressing minorities together.
Basic Information
| Name: | Jack Matt Greenway |
| Nicknames: | Mate / Tall Jack |
| Reason for nicknames: | Derived from Matt / Descriptive |
| Date of birth: | Friday, 2nd Feb 1990 (Age 28) |
| Star sign: | Aquarius |
| Nationality: | Saint Lucian |
| Ethnicity: | |
| Social class: | Working class |
| Religion: | Aetheist |
| Sexuality: | Straight |
| Education: | Some college |
| Course: | Philosophy, politics and economics |
| Political views: | Far right |
| Relationship status: | In a relationship with Annette Rhonda Hunter |
| Career path: | Politics |
Physical characteristics
| Height: | tall |
| Shape: | underweight |
| Build: | very fine build |
| Hair colour: | |
| Hairstyle: | shaved sides with short top, combed forward and gelled into place |
| Eyes: | |
| Face shape: | oval |
| Glasses/lenses: | glasses |
| Distinguishing marks: | none |
| Words other characters might use | full-length, grandiloquent, leggy, long-legged, slim, stately, statuesque, tall |
Personality
| Positive characteristics: | friendly, caring |
| Negative characteristics: | standoffish, moody |
| Words you used | caring, friendly, moody, standoffish |
| Words other characters might use | affable, affectionate, amiable, amicable, blimpish, bourgeois, caring, cautious, chummy, companionate, compassionate, comradely, conservative, conventional, cordial, couthie, couthy, cozy, dark, dour, emotional, favorable, fond, friendly, fusty, genial, glowering, glum, hidebound, ill-natured, informal, intimate, lovesome, loving, materialistic, matey, moody, morose, neighborly, neighbourly, nonprogressive, pally, protective, saturnine, social, sour, standoffish, standpat, sullen, temperamental, tender, traditionalist, ultraconservative, unprogressive, warm, well-disposed |
| IQ: | 104 |
| Hobbies: | relaxing, helping old ladies across the road, reading, repressing minorities, baking |
Employment
| Local activist | The Far Right Party | 2008 - 2011 | resigned |
| Town counsellor | The Far Right Party | 2011 - 2014 | resigned |
| Government politician | The Far Right Party | 2014 - present |
Background
| Early years | Jack grew up in an impoverished neighbourhood. His father left when he was young, leaving him with his mother, who was an addict. |
| Formative years | Jack got is first job as a local activist at age 18 Jack started college but quit part way through the course. |
| Most traumatic childhood experience: | His father leaving when he was one. |
Political Views
| Abortion: | undecided |
| Racial equality: | very pro |
| LGBTQ rights: | undecided |
| Subsidised healthcare: | undecided |
| Gun control: | against |
| Nuclear disarmament: | very against |
| Death penalty: | very pro |
| Tax cuts for the wealthy: | against |
| Protecting the environment: | against |
6.4 Biography for Warwick Harry Gloop
Warwick is a friendly government politician who enjoys cycling
Warwick is a 25-year-old government politician who enjoys cycling, helping old ladies across the road and checking news stories against Snopes. He is friendly and bright, but can also be very unstable and a bit disloyal.
He is Belgian who defines himself as straight.
Physically, Warwick is not in great shape. He needs to lose quite a lot of weight. He is short with dark chocolate skin, brown hair and black eyes.He grew up in an upper class neighbourhood. His mother left when he was young, leaving him with his father, who was a drunk.
He is currently in a relationship with Cheyenne Kimberly Ramos. Cheyenne is 15 years older than him and works as a politician.
Warwick's best friend is a government politician called Stewart Roberts. They get on well most of the time. He also hangs around with Nate Kelly and Leona Quinn. They enjoy yoga together.
7 BAND AND SONG NAMES
John Talent
And Other Band Name Ideas
John Talent
Retro Retro
Techno Keyboard
McKeyboard
Catsica
Computers and a Keyboard
John Eats the Keyboard
King Black
Lord of the Retro Cats
One Girl, 88 Computers
No Rest For the Musicians
Undercover Keyboard and the Retro Computers
Prague Panic
Keyboardhead
The Keyboard Cats
88 Cats
Rubbish Prague Cats
Retro Tooth
Keyboard Attack
Prague Thunder Fingers
Composing Computers
Deaf Cats
Composing Dolls
Super Retro Cats
John and the Techno Humans
Keyboard Tribute
Keyboard of the Techno Computers
Keyboard Failure
Riot of the Black Keyboard
It's My Keyboard
Allo Computers
The Kind of Songs Flight of the Computers might record
Prague State of Mind
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Our Retro Keyboard Love
try it with Love Song Generator
Our Summer Cats
try it with Freestyle Song Generator
This Love is Retro But It's Techno
try it with Taylor Swift Song Generator
If I was your Retro Keyboard
try it with Justin Bieber Song Generator
Master Of Prague
try it with Metal Song Generator
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