Edited, adding more patches and stuff.
When we genetically modify plants, why not to genetically modify ourselves? Like make us also resistant to lots of things nature didn't bother to. People could be also like Batman or Hulk, with certain exercise, of course. It's about adjusting us, not the nature to fit our needs. The entire evolution is about that. Besides, being dependent on specific nature type is pretty bad from long-term point of view. We need us to be more cross-nature, cross-planet, just cross-platform in order to survive the next meteorite impact.
Photosynthesis support
Allows for making use of sunlight to generate glucose by using implanted mitochondria. These are duplicated depending on the sunlight amount, causing skin to be more yellow and green, sort of like chameleon. Deliberate control of the mitochondria amount is optional.
Fermentation support
If there's no light nor oxygen, the procaryotic cells of your body start to generate energy by glycolyzing. The energetic gain is low, so more fat must be burnt in this mode. The output of the cells can be: Acet acid, Ethanol + C02, Milk Acid. This would allow for acquiring alcohol cheaply by distilling your pee.
Overclocking
Increases speed of fat burning and boosting adrenaline level on-demand. Lowers life expectancy on overuse, handle with care.
Relax mode
Boosts nor-adrenaline level and slows metabolism. Overusing might increase life expectancy, but pay attention not become obese.
Metabolism optimization
Makes storing/burning fats, digesting, breathing, oxygene distributing etc. more efficient. Reduces energy requirements and increases metabolic cache.
Native music synthesis support
Gives your brain ability to hear and play back multiple simultaneous voices. Also support for pitch and volume modulation.
Native 3D rendering support
Enhances graphics capabilities of your brain to be capable to render fully 3D scenes, not just 2D with vector-faked depth.
Electrocardiograph cooperation support
Allows your brain to be used as a computing, input or output device. Taking necessary steps to avoid abuse is strongly advised.
Absolute music hearing
Further addition to Native music synthesis, or just standalone feature for people who weren't born with it. May be annoying when the piano you are playing a song isn't tuned perfectly, but beneficial for deaf people.
Additional body parts plug-and-play support
Provided there's some space left in the body, you can stitch those to you and wait for nerves to connect. The speed of this will be boosted too. Here's the list of supported devices:
Arms
Fingers
Legs
Toes
Eyes
Noses
Ears
Brain hemispheres
Hearts - only even numbers to stay in sync
Lungs
Stomachs
Kidneys
Intestines
Increase brain hemispheres connectivity level
Might increase IQ significantly. Taking IQ test before and after proceeding is advised on order to have the boost in numbers and on a paper, at least to brag.
Brain capacity full utilization
Make brain to use its full capacity. IQ increase will be imminent. Mental exercises advised in order to maximize the effect of this patch.
Genetic data doubling
92 chromosomes, like 64-bit processors
Genetic binary cleanup
Removes cancerous bytes and enables disabled gene fragments that could be of some use and removes the unnecessary other ones. Finally a decent cancer prevention.
Skeleton weight reduction
Similar to birds, it allows for easier flying in ultralight aircrafts. As the inside of the bones is going to be empty, they might break more probably.
Regeneration
Automatically recover wounds faster, like in Call of Duty. Will not replace body parts that have been cut off. Routes ethanol if present in blood to the wound location to desinficate it. Silences nerve signal for the wound to hurt less.
Extreme weather survival
Extends temperature and air pressure range. Good for colonizing Mars, Antarctica, Sahara, Siberia, Himalayas etc. Also comes handy when you get lost in a jungle or strand on an island.
Virus resistance
Does not cause cells to destroy capsides of viruses, but expels them unmodified through reverse fagocytation. Only way to input data is though plasmides with this patch. Quite efficient cure for HIV, isn't it?
Liver expansion and performance increase
For mitigating poison effects. Allows to eat or drink everything with pH in range from 4 to 10, as long as it doesn't melt your hardware body parts.
Little toe removal
It only gets bumped into a piece of furniture and it hurts like stepping on a LEGO brick. Your total finger amount would drop to 18, but that won't matter since we don't have nerves to control each toe separately.
Voice control expansion
Allows more control over your voice, making you a full-featured monophonic synthesizer. Great for parties on camps when there's no other synthesizer available.
Woman-specific:
Menstruation optimization
Only the egg gets out, not amounts of blood. Also causes less temporal psychological irregularities and unexpectedness.
Periodical miniabortion
Performs a monthly check if there's something in vagina eating resources and if yes, it gets kicked out. The aborted fetus will not exceed 2 months of age. Can be disabled until a birth by digesting sperms from oral sex or by taking some instruction plasmide or a pill.
Hardware support for peeing while standing
Stop toilet discrimination by gender. Now women can mitigate the toilet lines present when the toilets are underdimensed.
Breast mitigation
For kinetically active singles without children, to whom breasts cause only annoyances like beast cancer or have such small boobs it's close to not having ones.
Hair grow removal
Preserves only hair in crotch and on the head to mitigate the necessity of shaving.
Vagina size boost
Allows for more comfortable items storage for smuggling and facilitates giving birth to oversize children. Also makes the bottom quite larger.
Man-specific:
Software interrupt for multitasking support
It is said that men cannot do two things at once, so there's a patch introducing the interrupt handler.
Beard growing optimization
For whom it doesn't grow as expected. Adjusts to grow individual hairs with similar speed and higher quality.
Verbose mode for brain speech center
Good for writing essays or dating girls, or for that moments when you are speechless. Includes a Lorem Ipsum and random number generator.
Ability to put balls inside the body
It only hurts when they get hit and we don't need to store sperms outside body just because they need 2°C lower temperature. Of course it will kind of reduce fertility, but it's a good complementary to condoms. Anyway, even 1 sperm is enough to take away 20 years of your life.
Penis size boost
Of course this is not to be forgotten, as many men like to have it longer than everybody they know. So there's the patch, which will make it around a half longer and thicker while erected. For forever alones this patch is irrelevant since it has no effect on the body functionality.
Shoulder width boost
To get more girls. They love manly bodies. You may not fit though some holes, though.
When we genetically modify plants, why not to genetically modify ourselves? Like make us also resistant to lots of things nature didn't bother to. People could be also like Batman or Hulk, with certain exercise, of course. It's about adjusting us, not the nature to fit our needs. The entire evolution is about that. Besides, being dependent on specific nature type is pretty bad from long-term point of view. We need us to be more cross-nature, cross-planet, just cross-platform in order to survive the next meteorite impact.
Photosynthesis support
Allows for making use of sunlight to generate glucose by using implanted mitochondria. These are duplicated depending on the sunlight amount, causing skin to be more yellow and green, sort of like chameleon. Deliberate control of the mitochondria amount is optional.
Fermentation support
If there's no light nor oxygen, the procaryotic cells of your body start to generate energy by glycolyzing. The energetic gain is low, so more fat must be burnt in this mode. The output of the cells can be: Acet acid, Ethanol + C02, Milk Acid. This would allow for acquiring alcohol cheaply by distilling your pee.
Overclocking
Increases speed of fat burning and boosting adrenaline level on-demand. Lowers life expectancy on overuse, handle with care.
Relax mode
Boosts nor-adrenaline level and slows metabolism. Overusing might increase life expectancy, but pay attention not become obese.
Metabolism optimization
Makes storing/burning fats, digesting, breathing, oxygene distributing etc. more efficient. Reduces energy requirements and increases metabolic cache.
Native music synthesis support
Gives your brain ability to hear and play back multiple simultaneous voices. Also support for pitch and volume modulation.
Native 3D rendering support
Enhances graphics capabilities of your brain to be capable to render fully 3D scenes, not just 2D with vector-faked depth.
Electrocardiograph cooperation support
Allows your brain to be used as a computing, input or output device. Taking necessary steps to avoid abuse is strongly advised.
Absolute music hearing
Further addition to Native music synthesis, or just standalone feature for people who weren't born with it. May be annoying when the piano you are playing a song isn't tuned perfectly, but beneficial for deaf people.
Additional body parts plug-and-play support
Provided there's some space left in the body, you can stitch those to you and wait for nerves to connect. The speed of this will be boosted too. Here's the list of supported devices:
Arms
Fingers
Legs
Toes
Eyes
Noses
Ears
Brain hemispheres
Hearts - only even numbers to stay in sync
Lungs
Stomachs
Kidneys
Intestines
Increase brain hemispheres connectivity level
Might increase IQ significantly. Taking IQ test before and after proceeding is advised on order to have the boost in numbers and on a paper, at least to brag.
Brain capacity full utilization
Make brain to use its full capacity. IQ increase will be imminent. Mental exercises advised in order to maximize the effect of this patch.
Genetic data doubling
92 chromosomes, like 64-bit processors
Genetic binary cleanup
Removes cancerous bytes and enables disabled gene fragments that could be of some use and removes the unnecessary other ones. Finally a decent cancer prevention.
Skeleton weight reduction
Similar to birds, it allows for easier flying in ultralight aircrafts. As the inside of the bones is going to be empty, they might break more probably.
Regeneration
Automatically recover wounds faster, like in Call of Duty. Will not replace body parts that have been cut off. Routes ethanol if present in blood to the wound location to desinficate it. Silences nerve signal for the wound to hurt less.
Extreme weather survival
Extends temperature and air pressure range. Good for colonizing Mars, Antarctica, Sahara, Siberia, Himalayas etc. Also comes handy when you get lost in a jungle or strand on an island.
Virus resistance
Does not cause cells to destroy capsides of viruses, but expels them unmodified through reverse fagocytation. Only way to input data is though plasmides with this patch. Quite efficient cure for HIV, isn't it?
Liver expansion and performance increase
For mitigating poison effects. Allows to eat or drink everything with pH in range from 4 to 10, as long as it doesn't melt your hardware body parts.
Little toe removal
It only gets bumped into a piece of furniture and it hurts like stepping on a LEGO brick. Your total finger amount would drop to 18, but that won't matter since we don't have nerves to control each toe separately.
Voice control expansion
Allows more control over your voice, making you a full-featured monophonic synthesizer. Great for parties on camps when there's no other synthesizer available.
Woman-specific:
Menstruation optimization
Only the egg gets out, not amounts of blood. Also causes less temporal psychological irregularities and unexpectedness.
Periodical miniabortion
Performs a monthly check if there's something in vagina eating resources and if yes, it gets kicked out. The aborted fetus will not exceed 2 months of age. Can be disabled until a birth by digesting sperms from oral sex or by taking some instruction plasmide or a pill.
Hardware support for peeing while standing
Stop toilet discrimination by gender. Now women can mitigate the toilet lines present when the toilets are underdimensed.
Breast mitigation
For kinetically active singles without children, to whom breasts cause only annoyances like beast cancer or have such small boobs it's close to not having ones.
Hair grow removal
Preserves only hair in crotch and on the head to mitigate the necessity of shaving.
Vagina size boost
Allows for more comfortable items storage for smuggling and facilitates giving birth to oversize children. Also makes the bottom quite larger.
Man-specific:
Software interrupt for multitasking support
It is said that men cannot do two things at once, so there's a patch introducing the interrupt handler.
Beard growing optimization
For whom it doesn't grow as expected. Adjusts to grow individual hairs with similar speed and higher quality.
Verbose mode for brain speech center
Good for writing essays or dating girls, or for that moments when you are speechless. Includes a Lorem Ipsum and random number generator.
Ability to put balls inside the body
It only hurts when they get hit and we don't need to store sperms outside body just because they need 2°C lower temperature. Of course it will kind of reduce fertility, but it's a good complementary to condoms. Anyway, even 1 sperm is enough to take away 20 years of your life.
Penis size boost
Of course this is not to be forgotten, as many men like to have it longer than everybody they know. So there's the patch, which will make it around a half longer and thicker while erected. For forever alones this patch is irrelevant since it has no effect on the body functionality.
Shoulder width boost
To get more girls. They love manly bodies. You may not fit though some holes, though.
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